Wednesday One-Liners Are Also a Member

Negligent mom: He’s a little boy — that’s what he’s supposed to do! They have penises so they can wave them around!

–Danice, 125th & 8th

Overheard by: Tammy Scumbag

Guy: You think I don’t have one? You think I don’t have one?! I will flash everyone on this train!

–6 train

Black man to girlfriend: Why you tellin’ everybody ’bout mah dick for? Oh, you sad now? Well, stop tellin’ everybody ’bout mah dick!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Against Marj

Little kid waiting to cross street: Owww, my wiener!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sandy

Queer: Rocky got hard during ‘Touch me, touch me’ because Janet would rub all over him and he was straight… And in those little yellow shorts you could see his penis grow like a torpedo.

–1 train

Overheard by: Smirking Minnesotan

Professor, about ancient Greek theater: Lots of padding, lots of masks, lots of… phalluses.

–Columbia University

Posted on February 14, 2007
Black People, Erections, Guys, Kids, Moms, Penis, Queer guys, Teachers/Professors, Theater & Dance, Wednesday One-Liners

Read My Mind, and I’ll Punish You If You’re Wrong

Professor pointing at a slide of Andy Warhol’s Elvis and one of a giant mountain: Can anyone tell me what the similarities and differences of these two images are?
Student #1: The Warhol print is completely commercial, while the mountain is very natural.
Professor: Yes, that’s one way to see them. Anyone else?
Student #2: One’s a big rock, and one’s the king of rock.
Professor: I think we can all go home now.

–NYU

Overheard by: Addison

Posted on February 4, 2007
About Celebrities, Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Idiots, NYU, Students, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Teachers/Professors, Visual Art, Words

Um, Saratoga? — Hellooo, It Was Ancient Rome!

Teacher: Where was the Battle of Saratoga fought?
Student #1: South America?
Student #2: No, you idiot, it’s in Russia!

–NYC High School

Posted on January 27, 2007
Global Geography, Students, Teachers/Professors

The Secret History of Wednesday One-Liners

Columbia student: The Third Reich makes me sad.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Two girls dressed as Marie Antoinette stop to pose for photos.

Effeminate Louis XVI: I say, let them have bush — I’ll eat the cake!

–Houston & 6th Ave

Professor: Sometimes there’s even a box, and the box will have Harriet Tubman in it.

–Silver Center, Washington Square

Crazy guy: Abraham Lincoln is gay! That’s right, gay! Come on, now, I read the papers! You think I don’t read the papers?!

–6 train

Man on cell: I will go down as the biggest fatherfucker in history.

–Wall St & Broadway

Posted on January 10, 2007
Crazies, History & Geography, On Cell, Students, Teachers/Professors

Now See, That Was a Normal Question. Four.

Professor: I’ve heard from students that have taken my exams that they’re generally considered thinking exams. Rather than just have you recite the law, I try to throw questions in there that will make you examine the policies behind it… Yes?
Law student: What would you say the ratio of thinking questions to normal questions is going to be?
Professor: Hmmm… Really, I don’t know if I can answer that. I mean, what to one person would be a thinking-type question, to another might not be, you know? [Same student raises hand again.] Usually I’m reluctant to let a person who asks a question like that ask another question, so let me ask you first — how many of your questions are thinking-type questions?

–Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law

Posted on January 9, 2007
School, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

Hell Is When You Get Money and Can’t Spend It

Teacher: So in Christianity, if you’re good, what do you get when you die?
Ghetto girl #1: Money?
Teacher: No.
Ghetto girl #2: You get to go to heaven.
Teacher: Yes!
Ghetto girl #1: What? Is that a true story?
Ghetto girl #2: No, Tashanda,* that’s religion.

–New Design High School

Overheard by: god

Posted on December 28, 2006
Christianity, Ghetto Chicks, School, Students, Teachers/Professors

He Fucking Wishes!

Professor: JRR Tolkien wrote an article on Beowulf defending its value as a work of literature.
Female student: Didn’t he write Beowulf, though?

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Posted on December 22, 2006
Books & Writing, Students, Teachers/Professors

With His Superpowers?

Teacher: When did slavery end?
Student: Didn’t it end in like, 1970, when Martin Luther King freed all the blacks?

–Berkeley Carroll School, Park Slope

Posted on December 21, 2006
History & Geography, Park Slope, School, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

The Education of Wednesday One-Liners

Professor: If you put a frog in a beaker of water and gradually heat it, at about 160 degrees or so the frog will look around and say, ‘Oh, shit! I’m dead!’

–NYU

Overheard by: Emily J

Professor, as student closes window and piece of paper floats outside: At least it wasn’t a body.

–SVA

Overheard by: jaclyn

Professor spastically spilling coffee on text: I just got so excited by Emerson I ejaculated my coffee all over him.

–Literature class, Columbia University

Professor: The Native Americans used peyote as part of their religion. And if you do peyote, believe me, you’re going to have a religious experience. You’re going to think you’re flying next to God, like, ‘Hey, God! Why you going so slow?’

–Columbia University

Overheard by: leilah

Professor: Please turn off your cell phones, beepers, pagers, interactive Gatorade bottles… Thank you.

–College

Overheard by: Kaleena

Writing teacher: … And I thought to myself, ‘These people are artists. They’re not supposed to be acting like normal people. They should be acting aloof and riding some sort of bizarre bicycle that they made themselves.’

–Eugene Lang College

Professor: I’m so not used to teaching like this… It’s like a classroom.

–Eugene Lang College, the New School

Overheard by: rpk

Posted on December 6, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Education, Teachers/Professors

Teachers/Professors