Teen step-daughter, looking at skater shoes: I love these shoes! If I saw a guy wearing these shoes, I’d be totally into him.
Suit: Yeah, but not for a 34-year-old.
Teen step-daughter: I know lots of 34-year-olds that would wear these.
Suit: Yeah, they work at the movie theater.
–Vintage clothing store
Overheard by: Sean B
15-year-old preppy #1: I think Lisa’s really cool. We should hang out with her more.
15-year-old preppy #2 Yeah, she seems like a really cool girl. I guess her boyfriend’s in jail or something… And she has his name tattooed on her clit [gestures to stomach area] or something…
–Atlantic Ave
Teen girl #1: I’m not even giving a fuck. If I was giving a fuck, I’d tell him I give a fuck, but I’m not giving a fuck, so I’m telling you I’m not giving a fuck.
Teen girl #2: Okay, okay, just shut up.
–14th & 6th
Teen boy #1, pointing to a bush: That’s where we peed last time.
Teen boy #2: Really?
–Central Park
Teen #1: Hey, since, like, they keep putting cement and buildings and stuff on the Earth, won’t it just keep gettin’ heavier and, like, explode?
Teen #2: You know what? I never thought about that!
–Grand Central
Teen girl #1: So, last night we were talking, and he still wants to put it in my ass… Like, how could I be with someone who only thinks about shoving his thing up my ass?
Teen girl #2: So what are you gonna do?
Teen girl #1: I don’t know! Help me!
Teen girl #2, puzzled: I thought you love anal sex?
Teen girl #1: Oh, yeah.
–S79 bus
Overheard by: rob l
Teen girl #1: I broke up with him because of his smegma. It was out of control.
Teen girl #2: What the fuck?
Teen girl #1: He had severe dick cheese.
Teen girl #2, loudly: Wait — so he had cheese growing on his dick?! Ewww!
Man next to them, laughing: Where are the crackers when you need ’em, eh?
–Roosevelt Ave station
Hobo: Yo! Where you girls from?
White teen girl: Your mom.
Hobo: Whoa, nigga, that’s crazy.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Cface
British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.
–1 train
Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!
–Bronx Science engineering class
Overheard by: LSB
Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?
–41st & Broadway
Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.
–1 train
Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Ashley
Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: still recovering
Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Oh My God
Teen girl: Did you know it’s not Brooklyn-Queens Day anymore? Now all of the city gets off from school.
Little brother: It’s because the other boroughs got jealous.
–Alley Pond Park, Queens
Overheard by: Rebecca
