Hamilton Was Cute, but I Hear Lincoln Had a Giant Cock

White teen girl, about statue of Alexander Hamilton: Look at him! I mean, he’s such a dreamboat… That’s why he’s my favorite federalist.
Mom: And what did your class call him?
White teen girl: Hammy! And he was big pals with B-Frank, and Johnny Ads, and G-Dubya, and J-Marsh, and… And… And I can’t remember any more founding fathers, but of course they all had their own gangsta names, too. They were big pimpin’ over there in Independence Hall. The only things they were missing were the hos… And that’s why Abby A. wanted them to remember the ladies.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: That other girl

Posted on August 31, 2007
Columbia (& Barnard), History & Geography, Teens, White People

Any Excuse for Balloons

Teen #1: Yo, I think Johnny graduated high school this year!
Teen #2: Are you sure, yo? That don’t sound like him.
Teen #1: Yeah. I walked by his house the other day and there were balloons and shit.
Teen #2: Shit, that don’t mean nothin’. That nigga always be celebratin’ somethin’.

–Port Authority

Posted on August 31, 2007
Holidays, Port Authority, Teens

He’s Going to Be One Disappointed Dead Guy

Teen boy #1: We’ve had three or four pregnancy scares.
Teen boy #2: What?!
Teen boy #1: Yeah. One time it turned out she just skipped her period… But it just feels so good to finish inside! It feels heavenly. It’s probably what it feels like to meet God.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Taylor

Posted on August 30, 2007
Orgasm, Shea Stadium, Teens

I Had No Idea You Were That Sort of Person

Teen girl #1: What do you want to do now?
Teen girl #2: Get something to eat.
Teen girl #1: Ew!

–59th & Columbus

Posted on August 27, 2007
Food, Girls, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Teens

The Lindsay Lohan/Hillary Duff Feud: Explained

Teen girl #1: See, this is why we can’t be friends.
Teen girl #2: What? We can’t be friends because I won’t join you in an orgy.
Teen girl #1: Yes, exactly.

–74th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Dani

Posted on August 25, 2007
Brooklyn, Relationships, Teens

And Not the Mainstream Kind, Either

Teen step-daughter, looking at skater shoes: I love these shoes! If I saw a guy wearing these shoes, I’d be totally into him.
Suit: Yeah, but not for a 34-year-old.
Teen step-daughter: I know lots of 34-year-olds that would wear these.
Suit: Yeah, they work at the movie theater.

–Vintage clothing store

Overheard by: Sean B

Posted on August 24, 2007
Shoes, Store, Suits, Teens

Either She’s Packing Heat, or His Name’s “J”

15-year-old preppy #1: I think Lisa’s really cool. We should hang out with her more.
15-year-old preppy #2 Yeah, she seems like a really cool girl. I guess her boyfriend’s in jail or something… And she has his name tattooed on her clit [gestures to stomach area] or something…

–Atlantic Ave

Posted on August 16, 2007
Brooklyn, Compliments, Preppies, Prison, Tattoos, Teens, Vagina

Translation: I Am Filled with Painful Emotions

Teen girl #1: I’m not even giving a fuck. If I was giving a fuck, I’d tell him I give a fuck, but I’m not giving a fuck, so I’m telling you I’m not giving a fuck.
Teen girl #2: Okay, okay, just shut up.

–14th & 6th

Posted on August 6, 2007
Insults, Talking/Convos, Teens, The Village

Remembrance of Things Pissed

Teen boy #1, pointing to a bush: That’s where we peed last time.
Teen boy #2: Really?

–Central Park

Posted on July 21, 2007
Central Park, Pee, Teens

You Should Write for The Journal Of Irreproducible Results

Teen #1: Hey, since, like, they keep putting cement and buildings and stuff on the Earth, won’t it just keep gettin’ heavier and, like, explode?
Teen #2: You know what? I never thought about that!

–Grand Central

Posted on July 17, 2007
Grand Central, Idiots, Science, Teens, Weirdness

Teens