Times Square

Mommy Queerest

Girl #1: I’m not going with you.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: I have to go home and cook for lesbians.
Girl #2: Oh, your mom?

–Times Square

Overheard by: From now on this is my excuse for everything

Headline by: Mandi

Runners-Up:

· “But Don’t They Usually Eat Out?” – Hobo Whisperer

· “I Think I’ll Make Dyke L’Orange” – Peter

· “If I dont do it, dad will do it, and she’s a lousy cook.” – Extra Character

· “Ohhhh Pllllllease…. She licked your pussy once… ONCE!” – Mike Chmiel

· “Pass the Cunnilinguini” – I’m not gross in real life

· “They’d be happy with a box lunch” – Flem


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Enjoying a Game of Times Square Pachinko

20-ish guy, after bumping into lady: Oh, I’m sorry.
Lady: That’s okay. I’m a tourist.

–Times Square

Overheard by: nina

Long Story Short, That’s the YouTube Video I Emailed You About

Dental student: I was working on this girl’s teeth, and she just… started moving around all weird.
Student’s mother: Yeah? Did you prick her or something?
Dental student: No, she was just… um… masturbating. I didn’t know what to do so I just waited for her to finish and went to get more supplies. What else was I supposed to do?

–Restaurant, Times Square

Overheard by: Well, what would you do?

Only If It’s Laced with Chlamydiosis Vaccine

Chick: Oh, fuck! I just got crapped on by a pigeon!
Guy: Uh, I don’t think limping will help.
Chick: … Good point [stops limping]. Will Advil?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Stella

Please Stop Talking So We Can Have Sex

High chick: Now, I love ass, don’t get me wrong. But it’s not all I think about when I think about baseball. I mostly think about triangles.
Dude: Huh?
High chick: Baseball.
Dude: Triangles.
High chick: They’re both trapezoids.
Dude: What the fuck?
High chick: I don’t know. My point is, I hate girls.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Bruce

Oh, and the Kid

20-ish girl: Oh my god, your backpack has your initials on it!
20-ish dude: What? It’s from high school…
20-ish girl: Jesus. The only thing I have from high school is herpes.

–41st & Broadway

Overheard by: june

Which, According to Our Bylaws, I Must Now Give to You

White office guy: When somebody says ‘nigga,’ how do you know if they’re saying ‘nigga’ or ‘nigger’?
Black office guy: That’s easy — ‘nigger’ is followed by an ass-whoopin’.

–Restaurant, Park Ave South

Overheard by: Big Larry

Maps Only Work When You Know Where You Are

Tourist lady #1 looking at map: I don’t get it. I don’t see Rockefeller Center. Where’s the tree?
Tourist lady #2: I don’t know. Do you just want to try and find Times Square instead?

–Times Square

Why Word-of-the-Day Calendars Should Be a Privilege, Not a Right

Teen #1: Hey, man, I think we should get our important stuff laminated. No one ever questions lamination.
Teen #2: Yeah, I could get my hall pass and be at a club and the bouncer would let me in.
Teen #1: Yeah, because of the lamination.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Toastuh

Really? Who?

White teen: You’ve got a fat ass.
Black teen: Well, your ass has a stupid, scrawny bitch stuck to it.

–Times Square

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