Guy handing out fliers: Do you like stand-up comedy?
Goth girl: No! I hate happiness!
–Times Square
Overheard by: A
Guy handing out fliers: Do you like stand-up comedy?
Goth girl: No! I hate happiness!
–Times Square
Overheard by: A
Tourist lady: Excuse me, do you work here?
Employee: Yes, ma’am. Can I help you?
Tourist lady: Yes. Where are the toilets, please?
Employee: Up the escalators and take a left.
Tourist lady: Thank you. Number one or number two?
Employee: Well… You can do either, ma’am…
–Toys “R” Us, Times Square
Woman knocking over hubby’s folding table: That’s the second time you disrespected me today! I am your wife! You won’t even buy me a tampon — I’m bleeding on a napkin. You only spend your money on hookers.
Friend nearby: I knew that was gonna happen!
–Times Square
Girl #1: I’m not going with you.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: I have to go home and cook for lesbians.
Girl #2: Oh, your mom?
–Times Square
Overheard by: From now on this is my excuse for everything
Headline by: Mandi
Runners-Up:
· “But Don’t They Usually Eat Out?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “I Think I’ll Make Dyke L’Orange” – Peter
· “If I dont do it, dad will do it, and she’s a lousy cook.” – Extra Character
· “Ohhhh Pllllllease…. She licked your pussy once… ONCE!” – Mike Chmiel
· “Pass the Cunnilinguini” – I’m not gross in real life
· “They’d be happy with a box lunch” – Flem
20-ish guy, after bumping into lady: Oh, I’m sorry.
Lady: That’s okay. I’m a tourist.
–Times Square
Overheard by: nina
Dental student: I was working on this girl’s teeth, and she just… started moving around all weird.
Student’s mother: Yeah? Did you prick her or something?
Dental student: No, she was just… um… masturbating. I didn’t know what to do so I just waited for her to finish and went to get more supplies. What else was I supposed to do?
–Restaurant, Times Square
Overheard by: Well, what would you do?
Chick: Oh, fuck! I just got crapped on by a pigeon!
Guy: Uh, I don’t think limping will help.
Chick: … Good point [stops limping]. Will Advil?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Stella
High chick: Now, I love ass, don’t get me wrong. But it’s not all I think about when I think about baseball. I mostly think about triangles.
Dude: Huh?
High chick: Baseball.
Dude: Triangles.
High chick: They’re both trapezoids.
Dude: What the fuck?
High chick: I don’t know. My point is, I hate girls.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Bruce
20-ish girl: Oh my god, your backpack has your initials on it!
20-ish dude: What? It’s from high school…
20-ish girl: Jesus. The only thing I have from high school is herpes.
–41st & Broadway
Overheard by: june
White office guy: When somebody says ‘nigga,’ how do you know if they’re saying ‘nigga’ or ‘nigger’?
Black office guy: That’s easy — ‘nigger’ is followed by an ass-whoopin’.
–Restaurant, Park Ave South
Overheard by: Big Larry
