Blonde girl: So, like, how was the sex?
Skank: It was great until he asked me to lick his asshole.
Blonde girl: Um, did you?
Skank: Well, yeah. He even paid me.
Blonde girl: Um, isn’t that prostitution?
Skank: Well, I met him in a bar and I thought he was cute…
–A Train
Overheard by: Ben Dover
Girl on cell: I have that freshly fucked feeling.
–The Gap, Bensonhurst
Lady on cell: Do you remember the guy who used to be in Grand Central all the time? The one with the doll… The doll he would fuck. He and the doll would do a fuck dance. He had it strapped to him at all times.
–Outside NYU dorm, E 14th St
Overheard by: college graduate
White trash gas station attendant: Life got a lot easier once I decided not to give a fuck.
–233rd St & Jerome Ave
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Suit to another: Whatever, it’s New York. I’m expecting to get told ‘F-you’ like 17 times.
–LaGuardia airport
Overheard by: Raja
Ghetto girl licking fingers and lips after consuming hot dog: Mmm, girrrl… I fucked that hot dog up!
–Mercer and W. 4th
Dude: Ma… Ma, I only used the F-word once, Ma. I’m fucking serious here.
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Tourist from Canadia
Little boy shouting to friend across the street: I just learned how to say ‘Fuck’!
–Irving & Greene, Bushwick
Overheard by: Andy
Obese white trash wife in housewares aisle: If we had a real house, I’d decorate it like crazy.
Obese white trash husband: Yeah…
–Target
Girl #1: I got kissed.
Girl #2: On your frickin’ gyne-box?
Girl #1: Yep!
Girl #3: You guys were in there long enough!
–Union St. and 5th Ave, Park Slope
Girl #1: My dad set up my laptop stuff.
Girl #2: Yeah, I don’t know how to do it either, my boyfriend did mine.
Girl #3: I don’t have a guy like that. I had to set up my computer by myself. It was hard, to like figure it out. I had to think. I felt like a guy.
–Manhattan bound N Train
Guy #1: Oh my god man! I just saw my ex!
Guy #2: So…fuck her!
Guy #1: Yeah,… fuck that fucking cunt…fucking cunt!
Guy #2: Did she look hot…?
Guy #1: Cunt.
–Pace University
Overheard by: Al Wilner
Woman #1: Rhoda! Did you see Chrissie’s tattoo?
Woman #2: Oh no!
Woman #1: And here.
Woman #2 to teen: Are you crazy? Do you know what that shit is going to look like when you get pregnant and it stretches all out and hangs there? I ought to kick you both down these steps throwing good money away.
–Met Steps
Overheard by: Blondie
Guy: I can’t stand ham. It’ tastes like bootleg meatloaf.
Girl: What?
Guy: It tastes like meatloaf if R. Kelly got to it.
Girl: What’s R. Kelly got to do with meatloaf?
Guy: C’mon. You know what R. Kelly with do with meatloaf if he got ahold of some, don’t you?
–Quiznos, 23rd St & Madison
Overheard by: Jatmos
Dad: How old are you?
Teen boy: Thirteen.
Dad: How old are you?
Mom: You know he’s thirteen.
Dad: It says here that if you’re eleven or younger, you get in free… How old are you?
Teen: Oh. Eleven.
–Roxy Deli
Overheard by: Kelsey
Headline by: Tom Dorey
Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Forget, Your Mom’s Your Grandma And She Got That Black Eye Playing Bingo” – Kate
· “And it’s cheaper than regression therapy” – Kim
· “But He is 19 on Myspace” – DanC
· “Good Answer. Now Give Me $10 For Your Mother And Me.” – Hobo Whisperer
· “Good…now go shave your balls.” – Colin
· “If Your Mom Hadn’t Lied About her Age, You WOuldn’t Be Here Now” – Jason
· “Sorry, Not Applicable to Jews” – djingo
· “Still paying down the debt from Dad’s mid-life crisis” – Allison
· “You Know What I Like Better Than Welfare Checks? Nothing.” – Amos
· “You know I only get paid for sending them pre-teens” – kasey
