Words

Wednesday One-Liners and the N-Word

Black woman: Move, nigga! Shit, if Kramer can say it…

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Jillian B.

Salesperson to customer: C’mon nigga, just buy this fucking thing, you know you want it.

–Radio Shack, 225th St

Overheard by: charles elliot

Black lady: So here I go doin’ my thang, right, and I look up and this nigga here is eatin’ a pickle… A pickle!

–NJ Transit into Penn Station

Overheard by: dirtyjersey

Thug: Yo, fuck you! You Pillsbury Doughboy punch-you-in-the-face-lookin’ nigga!

–Grand St

Overheard by: Alex Remnick

Old woman: Nigga’s tutti-frutti as a motherfucker.

–35th & 8th

14-year-old girl to friend:… And then my daddy called me a ho! Fuck that nigga!

–Spofford Ave, Hunts Point

Overheard by: number seven

Father: Come on, hurry your ass up, nigga. I mean… Hurry up… son.

–50th & Broadway

Well, Screw Him and His Oscillating Misnomers

Eye candy: Why would he say that I was not educated?
Friend: Well, that’s not exactly what he said, now was it?
Eye candy: No, he said I was tapid and voided of thought.
Friend: Vapid and devoid of thought.
Eye candy: Same thing.

–Manhattan-bound F train

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

Very Good — Would You Like an Animal Cracker?

Hot mom to kid while walking past construction site: That’s called rebar. Can you say ‘rebar’?
Hardhat: Rebar!

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: hbomb

No Further Humps after That

Redhead: … And he’s been bottling this all up and I guess my freak-out just pushed him over the edge.
Blonde: Yeah, totally. Like the straw that tipped the camel over…

–Haru, 18th & Park

Ferlinghetti: Eh, I’ve Made Worse Rhymes

Coworker chick #1: You ready, spaghetti?
Coworker chick #2: [Silence.]Coworker chick #1: Well?!
Coworker chick #2: Wait, I’m thinking.
Coworker chick #1: Oh, okay.
Coworker chick #2: Like Lawrence Ferlinghetti!

–84th & 3rd

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

There Should Be Just One Word Per Meaning

Bimbette: Why does that van say in-valid transportation? Why isn’t it valid?
Friend: That’s not ‘in-valid‘; it’s invalid. They transport invalids. You know, the handicapped.
Bimbette: Well, why don’t they say so?

–Bus, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

Bigots: We Try and We Try, but They Just Don’t Listen

Guy #1: … Wop.
Girl: You know, ‘wop’ means ‘Polish.’
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t. It means ‘White Anglo-Saxon Protestant.’

–Elevator, 630 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Ann

Wednesday One-Liners Fumble for Wordity

Suit on cell: And I was like, ‘Dude, you should come with us.’ I told her to, like, come and like, have fun with us. I didn’t want her to feel like she’s, like, disintellegent or something…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Call him stupid

Woman on cell: He told me it wasn’t good for the diges– uh… digesticle.

–49th & 11th

Overheard by: alxie

Man: I would like to send this regular post, and I need a confrontation number.

–Post Office, Bed-Stuy Brevoort

Girl: It means super-maker-outer.

–54th & 9th

Hobo: They call it genocide, people. Put that in your laputaters.

–Brookyln-bound R train

Overheard by: what?

PR exec about his new start-up: It’s not exactly rocket scientry. That’s why I can do it.

–Office building, Midtown

Ghetto chick: That dude got no education. I mean, look how he talk!

–1 train

Overheard by: Anna

Twit. Look! There’s a Twit!

Drunk chick #1, laughing hysterically: Okay, let’s come up with a code word to say every time we see one of them. Something really random, like… shoelace.
Drunk chick #2: Julius?
Drunk chick #1, still laughing: No, shoelace. Shoelace!
Drunk chick #2: Okay. Julius. Look! There’s a Julius!

–6 train

Overheard by: quagmire

Now We Will Move on to the Shooting Portion of the Exam

Teen chick #1: You think I’m ghetto, son? I bet you can’t even spell ‘ghetto.’
Teen chick #2: Yeah? G-E-T-T-O.
Teen chick #1: Ahhh, you stupid! It’s G-H-E-T-T-O. You can’t even spell ‘ghetto.’

–Prospect Park

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