Coworker chick #1: You ready, spaghetti?
Coworker chick #2: [Silence.]Coworker chick #1: Well?!
Coworker chick #2: Wait, I’m thinking.
Coworker chick #1: Oh, okay.
Coworker chick #2: Like Lawrence Ferlinghetti!
–84th & 3rd
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Bimbette: Why does that van say in-valid transportation? Why isn’t it valid?
Friend: That’s not ‘in-valid‘; it’s invalid. They transport invalids. You know, the handicapped.
Bimbette: Well, why don’t they say so?
–Bus, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Guy #1: … Wop.
Girl: You know, ‘wop’ means ‘Polish.’
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t. It means ‘White Anglo-Saxon Protestant.’
–Elevator, 630 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Ann
Suit on cell: And I was like, ‘Dude, you should come with us.’ I told her to, like, come and like, have fun with us. I didn’t want her to feel like she’s, like, disintellegent or something…
–LIRR
Overheard by: Call him stupid
Woman on cell: He told me it wasn’t good for the diges– uh… digesticle.
–49th & 11th
Overheard by: alxie
Man: I would like to send this regular post, and I need a confrontation number.
–Post Office, Bed-Stuy Brevoort
Girl: It means super-maker-outer.
–54th & 9th
Hobo: They call it genocide, people. Put that in your laputaters.
–Brookyln-bound R train
Overheard by: what?
PR exec about his new start-up: It’s not exactly rocket scientry. That’s why I can do it.
–Office building, Midtown
Ghetto chick: That dude got no education. I mean, look how he talk!
–1 train
Overheard by: Anna
Drunk chick #1, laughing hysterically: Okay, let’s come up with a code word to say every time we see one of them. Something really random, like… shoelace.
Drunk chick #2: Julius?
Drunk chick #1, still laughing: No, shoelace. Shoelace!
Drunk chick #2: Okay. Julius. Look! There’s a Julius!
–6 train
Overheard by: quagmire
Teen chick #1: You think I’m ghetto, son? I bet you can’t even spell ‘ghetto.’
Teen chick #2: Yeah? G-E-T-T-O.
Teen chick #1: Ahhh, you stupid! It’s G-H-E-T-T-O. You can’t even spell ‘ghetto.’
–Prospect Park
Thug teen with high voice: I didn’t say, ‘Scratch the inside of your butthole.’ I said, ‘Scratch the inside of your asshole.’
Lady friend: What’s the difference?
Thug teen with high voice: ‘Butthole’ make it sound nice and almost innocent. ‘Asshole’ make it sound downright nasty.
–UA movie theater, Sheepshead Bay
Overheard by: The Bling
Male suit: That book you’re reading — Any Bitch Can Cook! — that’s funny.
Female suit: You know what ‘bitch’ stands for, right?
Male suit: What?
Female suit: Babe in total control of herself.
Guy at next table: I dunno. I know some bitches who are totally out of control.
–Chinese restaurant, Montague St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
White guy: Well, this is her third. The first two she miscarried.
Black guy: Aw, man.
White guy: All of them were shake ‘n’ bake.
Black guy: What?
White guy: Yeah, he shakes and she bakes. It’s like 10 grand a shake, too.
Black guy: I heard 25.
–JFK airport
Overheard by: Deeznuts
Black woman: Bitch, stop barking. I’ll beat your ass! Say ‘my mother’ one more time, I’ll come over there and beat your ass, cracker!
White woman: Who says ‘cracker’ anymore?
–4 train
