Boy #1, reading from art textbook: ‘They also built pleasure palaces’?!
Girl: What? Lemme see!
Boy #2, laughing with the others: Yeah, alliterations. They get me every time.
Boy #1: Um, we were actually referring more to the sexual innuendo.
Boy #2: … I think alliterations are funny.
Girl: Freak.
–Stuyvesant High
Overheard by: you haven’t seen her around similes
Toddler, pointing out window: Bitch!
Grandmother: Bridge. It’s a bridge.
Toddler: Bitch!
–F train
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Workout girl #1: It feels so sticky when I put it on my lips.
Workout girl #2: That’s why you don’t stick your fingers all the way inside it.
–Synergy Gym, Astoria
Overheard by: Wog
Headline by: Rocks N Socks
Runners-Up:
· “How to Eat a Bowl Of Ice Cream Without a Spoon” – Karl
· “Life Without a Toilet Plunger…” – Jackster
· “Oh Cum On!” – Mike
· “The Rim Is All You Need…” – Steph
· “Winnie The Pooh Had The Same Problem With His Honeypot” – Sticky Thump
Little boy: Mom! Mom, look! Mo-ooom!
Mom: What, honey?
Little boy: They have douche bags! Should we buy some for Daddy?
–Pharmacy
Overheard by: Oh really?
Guy #1: … And ‘K’ on a triple-letter score makes 45.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: What’s that? ‘Upchuck’? That’s not a word!
Guy #1: I’m afraid it is, dear.
Chick #2: Yup.
Guy #1: Go to dictionary dot com — look it up.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: And what does this word mean?
Guy #2: Well, upchuck is what you would do if you saw smegma.
Guy #1: Last time she saw smegma I got 42 points!
Chick #2, on computer: I just looked up ‘upchuck.’ It means ‘vomit.’
Guy #2: Smegma, upchuck… Mike, I’m noticing a pattern in your choice of words.
Guy #1: I just try to think of words that will get Tina really upset.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: Well, thank you very much. Are you proud that you’re a disgusting pig?
Guy #1: I would say I’m at peace with myself.
—Another Scrabble party, 34th & 2nd
Overheard by: Big Larry
NYU girl #1, during fire alarm: Whoa, look! There’s an elevator. Maybe it’s going to dump water on the building to put out the fire.
NYU girl #2: Wait… What?
NYU girl #1: Did I say elevator? I meant helicopter. Whatever.
–Washington Square Park
Ghetto kid: Real gangstas get it down on the flo’, on the flo’.
Nerdy kid: What’s a flo’?
–Info Tech High
Overheard by: mary alice v.
Clown: Chastity.
Three-year-old boy: Hahahaha!
–W 86th & West End
Overheard by: Emily B.
Girl: It’s this way.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: I know where all the Jamba Juice is.
Guy: Are.
Girl: What?
Guy: Are. You know where all the Jamba Juice are.
Girl: Is.
Guy: Are! Each franchise is a separate entity!
Girl: Is! They’re all part of single collective!
Guy: Jamba Juice is not the Borg!
–50th & Broadway
