Words

Reader Poll: How Long before They Become a Couple?

Guy #1: … And ‘K’ on a triple-letter score makes 45.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: What’s that? ‘Upchuck’? That’s not a word!
Guy #1: I’m afraid it is, dear.
Chick #2: Yup.
Guy #1: Go to dictionary dot com — look it up.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: And what does this word mean?
Guy #2: Well, upchuck is what you would do if you saw smegma.
Guy #1: Last time she saw smegma I got 42 points!
Chick #2, on computer: I just looked up ‘upchuck.’ It means ‘vomit.’
Guy #2: Smegma, upchuck… Mike, I’m noticing a pattern in your choice of words.
Guy #1: I just try to think of words that will get Tina really upset.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: Well, thank you very much. Are you proud that you’re a disgusting pig?
Guy #1: I would say I’m at peace with myself.

—Another Scrabble party, 34th & 2nd

Overheard by: Big Larry

What’s Important Is the Up and Down

NYU girl #1, during fire alarm: Whoa, look! There’s an elevator. Maybe it’s going to dump water on the building to put out the fire.
NYU girl #2: Wait… What?
NYU girl #1: Did I say elevator? I meant helicopter. Whatever.

–Washington Square Park

An Aunt Who Visits You Once a Month

Ghetto kid: Real gangstas get it down on the flo’, on the flo’.
Nerdy kid: What’s a flo’?

–Info Tech High

Overheard by: mary alice v.

They Were Out of Chairs

Guy: … And the worst part was, I was sitting on my own scrotum.

–71st St & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills

Overheard by: smh

The Efficacy of Abstinence-Only Sex Ed, Encapsulated

Clown: Chastity.
Three-year-old boy: Hahahaha!

–W 86th & West End

Overheard by: Emily B.

Surrendering to Your Fate Will Be Sweet, Though

Girl: It’s this way.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: I know where all the Jamba Juice is.
Guy: Are.
Girl: What?
Guy: Are. You know where all the Jamba Juice are.
Girl: Is.
Guy: Are! Each franchise is a separate entity!
Girl: Is! They’re all part of single collective!
Guy: Jamba Juice is not the Borg!

–50th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners and the N-Word

Black woman: Move, nigga! Shit, if Kramer can say it…

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Jillian B.

Salesperson to customer: C’mon nigga, just buy this fucking thing, you know you want it.

–Radio Shack, 225th St

Overheard by: charles elliot

Black lady: So here I go doin’ my thang, right, and I look up and this nigga here is eatin’ a pickle… A pickle!

–NJ Transit into Penn Station

Overheard by: dirtyjersey

Thug: Yo, fuck you! You Pillsbury Doughboy punch-you-in-the-face-lookin’ nigga!

–Grand St

Overheard by: Alex Remnick

Old woman: Nigga’s tutti-frutti as a motherfucker.

–35th & 8th

14-year-old girl to friend:… And then my daddy called me a ho! Fuck that nigga!

–Spofford Ave, Hunts Point

Overheard by: number seven

Father: Come on, hurry your ass up, nigga. I mean… Hurry up… son.

–50th & Broadway

Well, Screw Him and His Oscillating Misnomers

Eye candy: Why would he say that I was not educated?
Friend: Well, that’s not exactly what he said, now was it?
Eye candy: No, he said I was tapid and voided of thought.
Friend: Vapid and devoid of thought.
Eye candy: Same thing.

–Manhattan-bound F train

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

Very Good — Would You Like an Animal Cracker?

Hot mom to kid while walking past construction site: That’s called rebar. Can you say ‘rebar’?
Hardhat: Rebar!

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: hbomb

No Further Humps after That

Redhead: … And he’s been bottling this all up and I guess my freak-out just pushed him over the edge.
Blonde: Yeah, totally. Like the straw that tipped the camel over…

–Haru, 18th & Park

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist