Yuppie girl #1: Last night I actually had to tie Dave’s tie for him.
Yuppie girl #2: Dave, please be more inept.
Yuppie girl #1: I know. It’s sad. Where the fuck would guys be without us girls?
Middle-aged man: Still in the Garden of Eden, you gullible bitch.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Alex
Yuppie #1: Dude, my new girlfriend is really hot.
Yuppie #2: Yeah, but what’s her personality like?
Yuppie #1: Well, she’s an interior decorator…
Yuppie #2: Oh.
–4 train
Overheard by: Steve
Hobo: Could you please spare some change for Christmas? Merry Christmas?
Yuppie: I have something for you, my friend! I have some fruitcake!
–West 4th St
Overheard by: Liane Graham
Yuppie chick #1: I don’t know. I just, like, totally like, never ever saw, like, a kid with Down Syndrome before.
Yuppie chick #2: Oh, me neither!
Yuppie chick #1: It was totally, like, not awesome.
–Rising escalator in the Mall
Blonde yuppie: I went dinner with Mom and him the other day, and he was talking about getting in touch with that guy in India to get his connections. He said that he wants to start smuggling drugs, too. I said to him, ‘Dad, you cannot become a drug dealer.’
Blonde, yuppie sister: Oh my god, you know he would totally do that just to get attention.
–SoHo
Yuppie mother: Now, what do you want for dinner? Do you want pizza and edamame?
Kid: Hot dog!
Yuppie mother: Well, how about some baked tofu?
Kid: Hot dog!
Yuppie mother: Or maybe some pesto pasta?
Kid: Hot dog!
–M14 bus
Overheard by: eye-rolling art student
Yuppie mother #1: And it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to talk to anyone who doesn’t own their own brownstone.
Yuppie mother #2: I know, I know.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Young professional woman, trying in vain to flag a cab uptown: I should have worn something sluttier today.
–25th & Park
Overheard by: Mike S
Business woman: All I need are some pasties, Daisy Dukes, and some four-inch heels. Then I’ll get a promotion.
–43rd & Lex
Overheard by: I thought that she worked in an office
Girl: The place is Salsa-ey, so dress a little slutty.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Overheard by: Ronnie Q
Tween girl in hot-pants and tight shirt: I can’t buy that. My mom doesn’t let me wear baggy clothes.
–Target, Atlantic Center, Brooklyn
Chick: I want hooker boots… but not in the heels. I want flats.
–Hunter College
Conservative guy: The second smartest person in this country is Ann Coulter. And let me tell you, she looks good in a pair of tight pants and Manolos at 2:30 in the morning.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Stupid Liberal Hottie
Chick on cell: Well, then I don’t feel so bad about going in a little vinyl skirt if you’re just going to be wearing underwear.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McFreaky
Yuppie female: It’s just so complicated.
Yuppie male: Don’t take this the wrong way, but if he’s cheating on her with you, he’s a fucking idiot.
–30th & Park Ave South
Overheard by: Pedro Van
Yuppie woman #1: I just couldn’t believe it. Just because I give my child everything he wants and asks for, she has the nerve to tell me that I’m giving my son a sense of entitlement.
Yuppie woman #2: I can’t believe she said that.
Yuppie woman #1: Yeah. The nerve!
–Downtown 2 train, Fulton St
