Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please bear with us, as we are experiencing delays due to train traffic up ahead.
Crazy guy: I knew that! I could’ve told you that! [Burps loudly.] I told you that!
–F train, 75th St, Forest Hills
Overheard by: trench coat commuter
Conductor: You know what stop this is?
Alabaster college prep: Harlem?
Conductor: Mmm-hm… Hope you find what you’re looking for, son.
–125th St station, Harlem
Passenger, after 30 minutes of delay: What do you suppose is going on up there?
Conductor, matter-of-factly: Someone is splattered all over the tracks for sure.
–Grand Central-bound Metro-North
Conductor: This train will be going express to 137th Street. The next stop on this train will be 137th Street.
Hobo: 137th Street! And if you don’t like it, buy your own train!
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Conductor, angrily: Stand clear of the closing doors!
Passenger: She need to get laid.
–F train
Overheard by: i do too
Conductor: Attention, passengers, this J Train is now going express to Myrtle. You hear me? Express. Express! There is a local train right behind this one. This train is going express! [Mob of angry passengers exits train.] Psych! This is a local J Train to Manhattan. Next stop: Chauncey. Please enjoy the leg room brought to you by the New York City MTA.
–Broadway Junction Station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: JRider
Male conductor over the speakers: This is the express train! Next stop: Roosevelt Avenue.
Female conductor over the speakers: Shit, this is the express?!
–E train, Queens Plaza station
Conductor: The train is crowded. Please — arms, legs, bags, coats, hats, scarves — pull them in. I cannot close the doors.
Dude: You know it’s someone’s ass…
–1 train
Overheard by: wasn’t my ass
Conductor #1: There is a train ahead of us at the station. We’ll be moving shortly.
Conductor #2: The D just crossed in front of us. Now there’s an A and a D. I’m tired, too. I was out ’til four AM last night. I’m gonna take a nap!
–A train
Overheard by: is this man ok to drive?
Conductor: Due to a stalled train at Lorimer Street, there is no L service to Manhattan.
Hispanic lady: Why would someone stole a train? Where they gonna put it?
–M train
