Conductors

Guy to cab driver: I just want to go where nobody knows my name.
Cab driver: You mean Cheers, “where everybody knows your name”?
Guy: No.

Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts

Conductor: Mind the gap, doors closing. (train does not move) Those naughty, naughty doors.

London
England

Overheard by: ren

Conductor: Everybody please be patient, we have an obstruction on the tracks. Police are working to clear it, we will continue as soon as they finish.
Young suit: We're in a 55-ton battering ram, why did we even stop?

MAX Rail
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Ram Das

Conductor, over intercom: Rub-a-dub-dub!

Chicago, Illinois

Conductor, as train comes in: Ahem: Quack-quack-quack, quack-quack, quack, quack, quack-quack… A-whoo-whoo!

Eltham
Australia

Train conductor: For those of you who had too much to drink, could you please wake up long enough to present your ticket?

Chicago, Illinois

Driver, with boat in tow: How much?
Toll booth operator, in a sing-songy tone: Seven-fiftyyyyy!
Driver: What?
Toll booth operator, sing-songy: Highway robberyyyyy!

Toll Booth, Florida Turnpike
Sunrise, Florida

Overheard by: Broke Commuter

Conductor, over speaker: Stop touching the train. Yes. You. I can see you on the security cameras.

Sutherland Train Station
Australia

Conductor over PA after train starts and stops a few times: There are six different kinds of metro cars, all manufactured in different places and different times. This particular train is comprised of three of those kinds. The transit authority says they all work fine together. I’ll let you decide that for yourselves…

Blue Line
Washington, DC

Middle-aged African American bus driver: So what if she is? I wear heels and I'm 5′8″. I wear them to church.
Prim-looking Caucasian female passenger: Oh, but at least at church you're sitting down.
Middle-aged African American bus driver: Oh no, honey. I'm up singing and dancing. I go to a black church. We get our praise on.
Prim-looking Caucasian female passenger (after uncomfortable pause): That sounds fun.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/370559900/enthusiasm-is-scary.html

Overheard by: yes it does