Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist?
–Café, 113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Anthropology professor: Everyone’s a misogynist. Women attend seminars, “seminar” comes from the word “semen,” which comes from the Latin for “a unit of knowledge.” And this, my friends, is how women get smart.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU
Rambling man: Nobody’s gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies.
–Rivington & Forsyth
Chick #1: … I don’t know…
Chick #2: Trust me — he wants it, but he’ll never ask. You do it by surprise, and he’ll, like, cum all over you.
Chick #1: It just seems nasty.
Chick #2: Yeah, it’s nasty — that’s why guys like it! And I guess it feels good. I mean, boy dogs lick their own, right?
–21st St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Manhattman
Preppy girl #1: Is it just me, or does it smell like cum?
Preppy girl #2: Yeah, I guess…
Preppy girl #1: Good, I’ve been smelling it all day.
–N Train
President: Are they de-seminating the office?…I mean decimating?
–40th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: EScrillz
Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) “fastest.” Is that a word?
–42nd St AMC Theatre
Overheard by: Steph
Man on cell: Yeah, well that’s what the beasting is for!
–Penn Station
Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.
–Fordham Road
Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!
–TGI Fridays, Times Square
Overheard by: CS
Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: I guess that’s English
Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, “violated.”
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Sally Tempo
Professor: Skeet is when a man pulls out of the vagina or anus and has an orgasm on the man or woman. It’s also come to refer to the ejaculate itself.
–NYU classroom
Woman on cell: Nice. I just realized I’ve been wandering around with doughnut glaze stuck to my cheek like dried cum.
–44th & 8th
Sex ed teacher: The penis can’t urinate and, um, spermate at the same time.
–Berkeley Carroll School, Park Slope
Overheard by: i believe it’s ejaculate
Man on cell: I hired you to be a fucking porn director, not to make some artsy documentary! I mean, she’s supposed to get that on her face!
–Times Square
Woman to her Grizzly Adams-like companion: But, honey, you don’t have any sperm!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Marissa
Guy on cell: Yeah, I called the sperm bank and told them your test came back positive… Yeah, they said it was no big deal.
–114th & Amsterdam
Dude on cell: I just ordered some soup and am drinking tea, so we’re on the same page. Except about cum, it seems.
–Office, Midtown
Overheard by: Argopelter
Queer #1: I sucked you off and swallowed your cum!
Queer #2: Shh, not now, someone will hear.
Queer #1: No! No one is listening!
Girl next to them: Actually, I’m listening.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Carly
Charmer #1: I took part in my first bukkake last night.
Charmer #2: Was it great?
Charmer #1: No, I missed her eye.
–D train
Girl #1: Is that cum?
Girl #2: Yes, green cum.
–W 47th & 5th
Overheard by: Holly
30-something fag hag: I mean, cum is a fine substance. In small quantities it can even be kind of pleasant. But you wouldn’t want a bucket of it.
Queer: Speak for yourself.
–Miracle Grill
Overheard by: Trying not to choke on my nachos
Girl wielding pen: Sometimes I want to write on your face.
Guy: That’s okay. Sometimes I want to cum on your face.
Girl: Yeah, I know you do. I saw your porn collection.
Guy: So sue me. But look, I’m not talking about covering your face in jizz. Just a little on the side.
Girl: A little on the side?
Guy: Like on your cheek or the corner of your mouth.
Girl: I don’t think so.
Guy: You should. It’s only polite. Especially if you like me. It’s like the new swallowing.
–Fish Bar, East Village
Overheard by: John-John
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist