Customer: I'd like a footlong meatball sub on wheat.
Manager: What would you like on your balls, sir?
–Subway Restaurant
Overheard by: Mondoman
Customer: I'd like a footlong meatball sub on wheat.
Manager: What would you like on your balls, sir?
–Subway Restaurant
Overheard by: Mondoman
Indian counter-person #1 to girl buying beer: Do you want a straw?
Girl: No, thanks.
Indian counter-person #2: I hear you get more fucked up if you drink it from a straw.
–Spring & Mott
Overheard by: Clannah
Lady to cashier: Can you front me a slice 'til I get my check?
Cashier: Sorry, no.
Lady: C'mon, man. I come here all the time.
Cashier: Yeah, so?
Lady: Man, you suck. You don't know what it's like. I have to buy Pampers and food and crack.
–Pizzeria, Harlem
Overheard by: Rufio
Guy holding baking mix: Excuse me, where's the vegetable oil?
Employee: We don't have vegetable oil, but I think canola oil should work fine with that.
Guy, sarcastically: Oh, you think canola oil would work?
–Trader Joe's, 14th St
Woman to waiter: Oh my god! I left my mink stole here. Oh please don't let it be gone. (goes to table, finds stole) Oh, thank god I found my mink stole and no one took it!
Woman at next table: Oh, please, bitch, ain't nobody want your German Shepherd!
–The Diner Restaurant, Midtown
MoMA desk rep: Today is free. Take your tickets.
MoMA guest: Are the tickets free? How much?
MoMA desk rep: No. For you, twice as much.
MoMA guest: Why? Cause I'm black?
–MoMA
Overheard by: Oh Kelly…
Headline by: The Limey
Runners-Up:
· “I Think a Child Was Left Behind” – samson
· “No, Because You’re Stupid… But Those Might Be Related” – john grisham
· “No, Cuz You Aint Learnt Your Zero Times Tables” – no math wiz but
· “The NYC Stupidity Tax Still Catches People by Surprise” – Ron D.
· “Yes, You’ve Heard Of Ladies Night? This Is White Day” – Leary Blaine
· “You’re Black Yet You Don’t Understand the Concept Of a Free Government Handout?” – BenGay
Attendee at Microsoft event: So what's a Zune?
Zune rep: It's a music and media player that…
Attendee: So, it's an iPod?
–Cooper Union
Overheard by: Peter Pentacostle
Boy at Chinese restaurant, looking at food: Is that a crab?
Girl at other table: That's what she said!
–Canal Street, Chinatown
Overheard by: eric
Shop attendant: Do you need help?
Customer: Oh… In many, many ways…
–Candy Store, SoHo
Overheard by: rutger
Cashier: Look, it's $1.99, okay? Then, I take $1.49, okay. So it's two for a dollar, okay.
Customer: I don't get it, it said it was two for a dollar and you are charging me $1.49.
Cashier: No, no, no, see, it's $1.99, okay. I take out $1.49 okay. See, watch. I scan it and it says $1.99. Then I take out 1.49, see.
Customer: No, I don't see, I don't get why you are charging me $1.49.
Cashier: Ugh… Mary*, come here. (speaks to Mary* in Spanish)
Mary*: When she scans it you don't see the real amount because she isn't finished the transaction yet.
Customer: Then why wasn't she showing me that?
Mary*: She did show you that.
–Pratt Institute Associated, Myrtle Ave
Overheard by: Is Subtraction Really That Hard?
