Customers

These Wednesday One-Liners Got Sole!

Woman: Nothing says "ferry terminal" like fish with moustaches.

–Battery Maritime Building

Overheard by: Jon A.

Guy in quiet, crowded elevator: Do you know if jellyfish reproduce sexually?

–Google's NYC Office, 15th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Derek

Teen girl to friend: But your shrimp ate a fish alive? Is that what happened? I don't believe you. Shrimp can't eat fish. It's like part of a food chain or something.

–Metro North Railroad

Overheard by: Jessica S.

Excited tourist girl among crowd of Chinese people: I can smell the fish!

–Grand Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Angelina

30-something female customer to H&M employee: Do I smell like I just ate fish?

–H&M

Overheard by: julia

Really drunk girl in front of gallery: I would fuck him for lobster!

–26st St & 10th Ave, Chelsea

Overheard by: Charlotte

No More Deer Penis for Me

Tourist woman to husband: Is it all vegetarian?
Guy waiting in doorway: Uh… Yeah.
Tourist woman: Oh. That makes sense.

–Outside Vegeterian Dim Sum, Chinatown

Overheard by: Brok

What Ever Happened to Good Old-fashioned Theft?

Customer: Um, can I get a discount on this coat?
Cashier: Is there anything wrong with it?
Customer: No, I just don't have a lot of money right now.

–Urban Outfitters, NoHo

…So I'd Rather Not Have My Rug Peeking Out.

Guy to friend trying on shirt: Open another button, man.
Friend trying on shirt: Nah, man, I'm not a Persian…

–Store, SoHo

Overheard by: a Persian

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Bit Fruity

Young barista to another, peeling a banana: You like your women like you like your bananas.

–Bedford Ave

Man outside fry place: They don't sell watermelon here. I read the menu three times, and no watermelon.

–Pomme Frites, 2nd Ave

Dude on cell: Banana. Banana banana banana banana. Banana.

–Flatbush Avenue, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

30-something suit to another: If I'm hungry I'll eat a banana, but I can't eat more than one. Because bananas, like, annoy me.

–Metro-North Harlem Line

Employee: All natural mango juice, on sale for 66… no, 69 cents off the regular price.
(customer walks away, uninterested) Where do you think you're going?

–Whole Foods

Overheard by: Sac

She Redecorated Her Mother's Uterus

Man to salesman, looking at $650 doll house: I want the house fully furnished. Can I pick out the furniture?
Salesman: How old is the child, sir?
Man: She is three.
Salesman: She may not appreciate all of this furniture at her age.
Man: Oh, yes she will! She is very detail-oriented.

–FAO Schwarz

Overheard by: laura pieper

Nice Wednesday One-Liners Finish Last

Man on cell: I need attractive girls with low self-esteem so I can tell them that I understand and then do horrible things to them. This is basic science.

–40th & 8th

Overheard by: 13Atlantic

Irate Wall Street guy standing in deli: Everything! Everything! I said "everything bagel," you fucking waste of life. (to other customers in line) He always does that!

–Beaver & William

Boy, watching Hannah Montana on screen: unless she's hanging from a rope, I can't be bothered.

–AMC 7, East Village

Overheard by: agreed

Female in red coat: It's, like, the Holocaust–get over it! I didn't even care about it when it first happened.

–Bobst Lobby, NYU

Overheard by: wow.

A Farewell to Wednesday One-Liners

Teenage boy, explaining why he joined the Air Force: We've been around since World War II. We fought against the Germans and sank several submarines. We also killed a whale, but that's not the point.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

20-something dude to friend: Ma-fucking-rines! The Marines! Man, I'ma join up, be a Marine, and go all over the world, fuck, and have babies. I'ma get laid and have a baby in every country: Spain, France… even Pakistan!

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: camillia*

Little boy in army fatigues hiding behind fallen tree: Pow! Pow! Look, mommy! It's the Battle of the Bulge!

–St. Mark's

Lady with Russian accent to salesperson in outerwear section: I don't like the style, it's not feminine. It's like for soldiers, or Chinese people.

–Lord & Taylor, 39th St

Overheard by: mira

Off-duty MTA worker to another: Britain? Whatever man, we beat they ass with… muskets and shit!

–6 Train

So Much for McDonald's and the Global Village

Soft spoken Greek man at McDonald's counter: Excuse me, do you have breakfast?
Large uninterested lady employee: Honey, we got all the breakfast you want. (points to pictures)
Soft spoken Greek man: Uhm… where is this breakfast?
Lady employee, getting mad: Right up here–anything you want!
Soft spoken man Greek man: So what kind of omelet are you serving today?

–La Guardia Airport

Overheard by: David

First Get the Pants, Then Find a Man to Get Into Them

Female shopper: How much are these?
Male employee: Those are… What are those? Oh, right, the straight boyfriend. Those aren't on sale.

–Gap Dressing Room, 86th & Broadway

Overheard by: minerfa

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