Brilliant!

Customer #1: You've never seen Death Wish?
Customer #2: Nope.
Customer #1, enthusiastically: He wishes for death! (pause) On others!

–Store, Union Square

Overheard by: Greg Luther

Posted on July 11, 2010
Customers, Death, Film, Store, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Neo, What Do You Think?

Cashier: Do you have a Duane Reade card?
Girl, fishing through purse: Yeah… Where are we, Duane Reade?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Guy next in line

Posted on June 25, 2010
Cashiers, Customers, Duane Reade, Questions, Shopping

Your Dad's the Big Lebowski?

Intake worker: Mother's first name?
Patient: Cynthia.
Intake worker: And your father's?
Patient: Yeah, I don't know that, dude.

–ER, St. Luke's

Posted on June 24, 2010
Clerks, Customers, Family Ties, Hospitals, Names, Parents

Punish That Liver Like It Killed a Cop

Bartender: Have any plans for the holiday weekend?
Middle aged guy: I plan to drink.
Bartender: Good plan.

–Bar, Grand Central

Posted on June 15, 2010
Bartenders, Customers, Drinking & Drunk People, Grand Central, Holidays

We're a Community Of People, Really.

Guy dressed only in tighty whiteys to bartender: I know I'm only wearing underwear, but can you please turn up the air conditioning?
Bartender: Yeah.
Guy dressed only in tighty whiteys: I'm speaking on behalf of several people. Well, other people who might come in here in their underwear.

–The Ritz, Hell's Kitchen

Posted on June 11, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Clothing, Customers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Physical appearance

Stupid Healthy Alternative

Barista: What would you like?
Woman: You know what? I think I'm going to go get a smoothie instead. (leaves and crosses the street to go to Jamba Juice)

–Starbucks

Posted on June 7, 2010
Baristas, Customers, Drinks, Offers and requests, Starbucks

Of the Sandwich Variety.

Girl: Can I have a breakfast sandwich?
Dunkin' Donuts employee: Yes, miss, what kind?
Girl: Breakfast.

–F Subway

Posted on May 14, 2010
Clerks, Customers, Food, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity

The “H” in “H&M” Stands for Hell, Ma'am

H&M employee: The manager will be here in 20 minutes.
Angry female customer: Look, I just want to return these pants here and I gotta go to the bathroom, so I'm gonna be urinatin' on the floor!

–H&M Store

Posted on May 2, 2010
Anger Management, Clerks, Clothing, Customers, Pee, Shopping, Store, Threats

Like “I Got Your Wife Pregnant, Vasectomy Boy!”

Male customer, walking in card store: Do you have any dirty cards? Like really dirty, nasty cards?
Sales lady: What do you mean… Like porno cards? We have…
Male customer: No, I mean something nasty, really nasty. Like really mean cards.

–Upper West Side