Dorks, Geeks and Nerds

Conversation on the Six-of-the-Best Train

Disproportionately hot nerd girl: You know, I was scarred by a guy once. It was on a fur rug. With a knife.
Attractive nerd guy: Wow. Real fur?
Disproportionately hot nerd girl: Real knife too. Very ‘Kushiel’s Dart’ sort of moment.
Attractive nerd guy: He must have thought you were pretty special, I mean, what do you have to do to get blood out of fur? I’m guessing it’s dryclean only.
Disproportionately hot nerd girl: Anyway that was my first, and only, foray into S&M. After that I stuck to D&D.

— 6 Train

Overheard by: Scott Gresham

Fun with Dick and Johnson

Dork #1: Is that a stick in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Dork #2: What? What did you say?
Dork #1: Never mind, man.
Dork #2: Is it penis? Are you talking about penis again? I’VE HAD ENOUGH. No more penis.

–M96 bus

Overheard by: Lauren Michelle

You Sure? ‘Cause You Guys Both Look Like Candidates for Lithium Therapy

Dork #1: So what’s your favorite element?
Dork #2: Ummm… I guess rhodium.
Dork #1: Rhodium, huh? Mine’s osmium. Why wouldn’t you pick chromium or cobalt?
Dork #2: I’m not sure. I just like rhodium.

–Madison Square Park

Where the Probability Approaches 100% That There Exist Black People

Geek #1: Let’s just eat at Applebee’s.
Geek #2: Dude, that’s like the most expensive Applebee’s in the universe.
Geek #1: Not “like”. Literally, it is the most expensive Applebee’s in the universe.
Geek #2: Ah, not so. In a constantly expanding universe, the probability approaches 100% that somewhere out there exists a more expensive Applebee’s.
Geek #1: …Let’s just eat at KFC.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jeff

Wednesday One-Liners Are Legends in Their Own Minds

Girl: I think Elvis died on my birthday…No, wait, Elvis died on Madonna’s birthday. Why do I always get that confused?

–36th St

Geeky guy: Dudes, we are staying at the Bellagio. That gives us instant credibility.

–Jet Blue Terminal, JFK

Overheard by: Dungy

This Just In: Staples ‘Easy Button’ Campaign Revealed as Covert Government Operative

Tech geek guy: We really need to get a terrorism button.
Tech geek girl: Yeah, I totally agree. I’ve been having to use the old one, and I’m sick of it. A terrorism button would really make things easier.

–elevator, Newsweek building, 50th & Madison

‘Weird Jedis’ Is Like ‘Gay Queers’ or ‘Bored Security Officers’

Out-of-breath Star Wars fan: Hey, do you know where the 3 pm light saber fight will take place?
Bored security officer: I dunno, but it should be over there. That’s where all the weird Jedis are hanging out.

–Big Apple Comic Book Convention, Penn Plaza Pavilion

Overheard by: PoisonIvy

In Other Words, Old People Pants

White girl: Hey, what are your pants made of? They’re really shiny.
Asian guy: Oh, that’s probably the grease from all the food I eat. I eat a lot of greasy food. Oh, and soy milk. I spilled soy milk on myself; I “soyled” myself.

–6 train

Overheard by: LiAps

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