Teen girl #1: No! I can’t go, because your mom’s a motherfucking whore!
Teen girl #2: Okay, I love you! Bye!
–104th & Broadway
Teen girl #1: No! I can’t go, because your mom’s a motherfucking whore!
Teen girl #2: Okay, I love you! Bye!
–104th & Broadway
Tramp stamper #1: My vagina itches.
Tramp stamper #2: Do you have scabies again?
Tramp stamper #1: I don’t think so, but I probably could…
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: Arabella Swathmore
Barista guy to girl wearing Red Sox hat: What do we have here? A Red Sox fan? What are you doing in this city? You don’t belong here. Hey, what’s your name? Hey! Are you ignoring me?
Red Sox girl: I’m sorry, did you say something?
Barista guy: Yeah, I was talking about your hat — it sucks.
Red Sox girl: Yeah, whatever. You didn’t spit in my latte or anything, did you?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Snooper
Young girl with Texan accent #1: What’s Soho?
Young girl with Texan accent #2: Oh, that’s like where they have all the discount shopping places.
–R train
Headline by: dan
Runners-Up:
· “Bush Twins…….Activate!” – stephie
· “In Texas, We Call It Mexico…” – Michael Haigh
· “There’s a Wal-Mart in SoHo?” – Chuckles
· “They Were Disappointed with DUMBO, Too.” – nick
30-something mom: Here we are. Here we are. Get it? Here we arrre.
Five-year-old daughter: That’s a good one, Mommy.
–R train station, Union St
Overheard by: Tacologic
Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!
–Fordham University
Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.
–JFK
Overheard by: spanky
Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!
–Highline Ballroom
Hootchie on cell: No joke — it smelled ripe down there. I be all, ‘Jimmy… D-A-M-N! I’m too busy gagging from the smell to gag on your bits.’
–W Broadway
Girl crying on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!
–Union Square
Overheard by: SplendidConfusion
Thug on cell: Yo, I’m sure she smells better now, bro!
–Harlem Meer, Central Park
Overheard by: mj
Teen to another: Yo, if I pass in June, I’ll only be in high school five years! [Pounds fists with pal.]
–F train
Chick: I used to be a straight-A student until I realized I was just learning how to get A’s.
–Diner, Chelsea
Frat boy: There are still wedgies in Quaker school.
–19th & 5th
Overheard by: Jeff McCrum
Lunching chick: I mean, I only feel sort of responsible for their illiteracy. I am their teacher…
–Dishes Restaurant, 45th St
Overheard by: Literate
Teen: No lie, my nigga — I wrote a perfect essay! I wrote a perfect essay, nigga!
–Marte Valle Prep School, Stanton & Norfolk
Teacher giving tour: Back then it was very difficult to graduate from high school, and it still is, judging from the amount of people who drop out. Although a tree stump could graduate from Saint Ann’s… Okay, no one put that in the school newspaper quotes… Please…
–Chinatown
Annoyed white girl: That cop with the flashlight was, like, shining it on my ass! So I was like, ‘Stop! I know my congressional rights, bitch!’
–Bus from Live Earth to Port Authority
Overheard by: Kevin
20-ish guy on cell: Yeah… Yeah, I talked to the cops, too! I told them I would kick her fucking jaw in if I didn’t get my money! Ma… Yeah, Ma, you know I don’t care!
–Thompson St, between W 3rd & Bleecker
Overheard by: The Simian Space Man
Conductor over intercom: Either we can have a peaceful ride uptown, or the police can ride with us. You decide [laughs maniacally].
–2 train
Overheard by: Ladle
[Hippie on bicycle loses concentration and crashes into lamppost.]
Cop in nearby squad car, over loudspeaker: Hahaha! Should’ve been more careful, or what?!
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: Susan Laura
Chick: So, I’m up by Bryant Park, and there are all these cop cars lined up, and then one of them decides, ‘Okay, time to go!’ and he puts his siren on and pulls out, and all the rest of them following, all their sirens going whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop! And then I hear something that sounds like some guy going ‘whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop’ — like, he’s making siren noises — and I turn around, and there’s this cop… I guess the siren on his cop car wasn’t working or something, so he’s on the loudspeaker mic yelling, ‘Whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop!’ as they all zoom off down 42nd Street. It was crazy!
–14th & 7th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
20-ish white girl to friends: Guys, sometimes I just feel like the only white girl in the city…
–Fulton St
Overheard by: other white girls
Hobo peering in from sidewalk: Ain’t nothin’ but white people all up in this motherfucker! This shit is racist, yo!
–Garden of Eden, 107th & Broadway
Overheard by: Bubby
Black girl on cell: He fucked a white girl? He fucked a white girl?! How stupid is he? You know if you fuck a white girl you gotta get her consent and then sign a contract!
–PATH platform
Angry black traveler on cell: Do you know how long it takes me to get to JFK from my place?! I’m surrounded by crackers! I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Here. Crackers all starin’ at me… I dunno what they’re lookin’ at.
–JFK
Overheard by: Not A Cracker But Staring Anyway
Old white guy at Cirque du Soleil show, to daughter: Is this primarily a white thing? I guess that’s why I don’t like this show. I’ve got too much soul for this.
–Madison Square Garden
Drunk black lesbian: I am not racist in any way. I believe that it’s something that’s taught and passed down from your parents. I am not a racist… but what’s up with white people?!
–D train
Girl #1: If I were pregnant, when would I start throwing up? I mean, like, where can I get an abortion? Will they tell my parents?
Girl #2: I don’t know. Why does everyone always ask me?
Boy: ‘Cause you’re a whore.
–6th & 2nd
Overheard by: kristin
