Woman: I just couldn’t believe they would do that to another human being. The guy had one leg, and the employees walked in on him in the bathroom on purpose — had themselves a big laugh.
Friend, in stall: If that was me, I’d pull down my pants, spread my crack, and really give them something to laugh about. Mmm-hm.
–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Natalie G.
Frustrated customer: You know, I don’t even know why I come here. Every time I have to wait on line forever — something’s always broken, something’s always wrong… I should just go somewhere else!
Cashier: … Do you have a Club Card?
–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please bear with us, as we are experiencing delays due to train traffic up ahead.
Crazy guy: I knew that! I could’ve told you that! [Burps loudly.] I told you that!
–F train, 75th St, Forest Hills
Overheard by: trench coat commuter
Angry kid: Man, I’m tired of seeing that naked white fag with the guitar all the time.
Friend: Your dad?
Angry kid: No, you dumb fuck! That freak over there — he’s in postcards and shit. He’s like a celebrity, kinda.
Friend: I think that’s your dad…
Angry kid: Fuck you, ho.
–TKTS station, Times Square
Man: I’m just going to break into the apartment, okay?
Woman: You can’t break into the apartment! It’s not even your apartment!
Man: I can do whatever I want! Not you or anybody else is going to tell me what I can and cannot do!
–E 4th St & Ave A
Overheard by: martin
Tourist #1: This is the entrance, that’s the exit! You need to wait your turn in line to get out the right way.
Tourist #2, plowing through gate: Pshhh. Tourists!
–Times Square station
Overheard by: Ava
Eight-year-old girl pointing at bin of toys: Mommy, which one should I get?
Mommy dearest: I don’t give a shit.
–Chinatown
Teen #1: Come on, let me rub it out!
Teen #2: No!
Teen #1: I’m telling you, it works. Let me rub on it!
Teen #2: Get away from me! Dad, tell John* to stay on his side of the train seat!
Teen #1: I’m just trying to rub the tension out of his muscle.
Dad: Okay, boys, stay in your own seats and keep your hands to yourselves. This week’s episode of post-fraternity homoerotic nostalgia is over.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Gay4God
Guido #1: Can you believe that girl called me a ‘guido’?!
Guido #2: Seriously — what a whore!
Guido #1: I cannot believe the bitch called us guidos!
Guido #2: Yeah… So, when are we hitting Webster Hall?
–Spring & Lafayette
Overheard by: I shook my head
Hipster, after a preview: Why would anyone want to see that? There’s no white people in it.
Girlfriend: Shhh!
Hipster: What?
–Landmark Sunshine Cinema, E Houston
