Gripes

Scholar: I’ve spent most of my time at NYU defending New Jersey.

–Washington Square

Queer: I knew there was a reason I live in New Jersey — I can buy coke.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Natalie

Indignant hobo, to self: State of New Jersey! Yeah, right!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Conductor: To all of you passengers wandering around looking for seats, there are five empty cars at the front of the train. They’re going to New Jersey, too, you know.

–NJ Transit, Penn Station

Chick on cell: Geez, Mom! It’s not my fault you decided to have another baby after forty… Well, when you put it that way, I guess it is my fault… Yeah, but you gotta talk to Dad about that last part. I was in Jersey most of that year, remember?

–L train

Overheard by: Kelly

Two-year-old boy, as train emerges from tunnel into New Jersey: Ewww!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: my thoughts exactly

Woman: I just couldn’t believe they would do that to another human being. The guy had one leg, and the employees walked in on him in the bathroom on purpose — had themselves a big laugh.
Friend, in stall: If that was me, I’d pull down my pants, spread my crack, and really give them something to laugh about. Mmm-hm.

–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Natalie G.

Frustrated customer: You know, I don’t even know why I come here. Every time I have to wait on line forever — something’s always broken, something’s always wrong… I should just go somewhere else!
Cashier: … Do you have a Club Card?

–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please bear with us, as we are experiencing delays due to train traffic up ahead.
Crazy guy: I knew that! I could’ve told you that! [Burps loudly.] I told you that!

–F train, 75th St, Forest Hills

Overheard by: trench coat commuter

Angry kid: Man, I’m tired of seeing that naked white fag with the guitar all the time.
Friend: Your dad?
Angry kid: No, you dumb fuck! That freak over there — he’s in postcards and shit. He’s like a celebrity, kinda.
Friend: I think that’s your dad…
Angry kid: Fuck you, ho.

–TKTS station, Times Square

Man: I’m just going to break into the apartment, okay?
Woman: You can’t break into the apartment! It’s not even your apartment!
Man: I can do whatever I want! Not you or anybody else is going to tell me what I can and cannot do!

–E 4th St & Ave A

Overheard by: martin

Tourist #1: This is the entrance, that’s the exit! You need to wait your turn in line to get out the right way.
Tourist #2, plowing through gate: Pshhh. Tourists!

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Ava

Eight-year-old girl pointing at bin of toys: Mommy, which one should I get?
Mommy dearest: I don’t give a shit.

–Chinatown

Teen #1: Come on, let me rub it out!
Teen #2: No!
Teen #1: I’m telling you, it works. Let me rub on it!
Teen #2: Get away from me! Dad, tell John* to stay on his side of the train seat!
Teen #1: I’m just trying to rub the tension out of his muscle.
Dad: Okay, boys, stay in your own seats and keep your hands to yourselves. This week’s episode of post-fraternity homoerotic nostalgia is over.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Gay4God

Guido #1: Can you believe that girl called me a ‘guido’?!
Guido #2: Seriously — what a whore!
Guido #1: I cannot believe the bitch called us guidos!
Guido #2: Yeah… So, when are we hitting Webster Hall?

–Spring & Lafayette

Overheard by: I shook my head