College queer #1, trying to squeeze into seat at crowded table: Oh god, I’m too fat!
College queer #1: No you’re not. Then I wouldn’t be your friend.
–All About Food, NYU
Overheard by: Pri
College queer #1, trying to squeeze into seat at crowded table: Oh god, I’m too fat!
College queer #1: No you’re not. Then I wouldn’t be your friend.
–All About Food, NYU
Overheard by: Pri
Guy #1: Is he sterile?
Guy #2: I hope so, he turned out to be kind of a dick later.
–Bedford & N 5th
Overheard by: severed dreams
Very fat guy: I’ve gained about 20 pounds since the last time you saw me.
Skinny guy: Yeah, I’d like to talk to you about that. When we’re not on the subway, though, okay?
–2 train
Girl #1: Shit, West Nile virus is in the United States?
Girl #2: Are you kidding me?
Girl #1: I thought that shit was only in New Jersey!
–Dean & Deluca
Overheard by: Luckily not a bridge and tunnel girl
Guy: She’s like so angry at the world.
Girl: I know right. It’s not my fault that she has a lazy eye. I am like seriously considering getting her an eye patch.
Guy: Dude. That would be awesome.
–Yankee Stadium
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: My father was telling me the dangers of aspartame — you know the stuff in Diet Coke? It’s like a sugar. It was once registered as a chemical weapon.
Hipster companion: Yeah?
Eva Amurri: If there is any way to become a superhero, it has to be by drinking Diet Coke.
[later]
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: I can’t remember how it ends… If he dies in a war or if Gatsby gets in a car crash, but he loves Daisy.
[later still]
Eva Amurri: Pasties are Band-Aids that only cover your nipples.
–Acela train leaving Penn Station
Overheard by: could you maybe namedrop your mom less, Miss Top-Volume-At-All-Times?
Girl: Well, Christy works with three people who are getting sex changes.
Guy: Yeah, but she works at a vegan restaurant.
–Ave A & St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: jenny wallace
ER admitting doctor with infinite patience: It’s just sore gums, probably from flossing. No need to worry.
Baroness Munchaussen: But it could get infected, right? And I could die, right?
Doctor: Has anyone ever died from this in the history of mankind? Maybe. But you could also walk out of the hospital and be hit by a bus. You have a better chance of that happening.
Baroness: So you’re saying I could die from this, and I shouldn’t leave the hospital?
–St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital Emergency Room
Hot chick: So, I just wanted to let you know I’m just coming out of a relationship.
Buff dude: Oh. Well, then I should tell you that I used to be a stripper in Chicago.
Hot chick: Hmm…I have herpes.
Buff dude: That’s ok, I have two cats.
–Scruffy Duffy’s, 8th Ave between 46th & 47th
Girl #1: I wish I was anorexic.
Girl #2: I’m going to punch you so that your head ricochets against that door.
–F train
Overheard by: Gena Radcliffe
