Drunk hobo: You are so fucking beautiful. I am in love with you. Please let me give you a hug.
Girl #1: Please, no.
Drunk hobo: Why all you white girls hate on black people? We not all that bad.
Girl #2: It’s not because you’re black. It’s because you’re covered with open sores and blisters.
–Manhattan bound L train
Overheard by: Far
Girl #1: My poop is like my cat’s.
Girl #2: Like pellets?
Girl #1: No, like chronic diarrhea.
Girl #2: Why don’t you take it to the vet?
Girl #1: I havn’t even taken myself to the doctor, so why would I bother going for the cat?
–Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Woman #1: On days as hot as this, it’s okay not to wear panties!
Woman #2: I don’t know about that. I like to keep it all in there.
Woman #3: Yeah, I agree. I don’t want anything to be drippin’.
–Willoughby & Carlton, Brooklyn
Overheard by: BZD
Girl #1: So, I just got my HIV test done for the Peace Corps.
Girl #2: Yeah, you wouldn’t want to bring AIDS to Africa or anything.
–52nd St
Overheard by: that’s just wrong
Hipster girl: What’s bird flu?
Hipster guy: I’m not sure. I think you get it from chickens or something.
Hipster girl: My mom has chickens.
Hipster guy: Does she have bird flu?
Hipster girl: No, she has eggs.
–L train
Asian girl: Where do you want to go to college?
Greek girl: Huh, You have pink eye? My brother had that. It’s mad contagious.
–Bronx High School of Science
Incredibly Jappy woman #1: I’m looking forward to using these bath melts I made.
Incredibly Jappy woman #2: Bath melts?
Incredibly Jappy woman #1: Yeah, I call them bath melts because “bath bombs” really doesn’t seem PC.
–JCC, 76th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Kimberly Ballinger
Guy: My eye won’t stop twitching.
Girl: Maybe you should have thought of that before you wiped sarin on the counter. Oh, oops, I just realized that the subway is a bad place to talk about work.
–E train
Doctor: Well, I can’t guarantee that after the circumcision it will look exactly like what you described.
–New York Presbyterian Hospital
Guy: I need to see a doctor. I’m not dying, but I have a leaking, stinking navel.
–Doctor’s office, 67th & Amsterdam
Kid on stool: Mom, can I jump off and be Naaaaaaacho?
Mom: You already broke your arm. You can’t be Nacho right now.
–Duane Reade, 96th & Broadway
