Woman: I’m going to get some water.
Friend, pointing to basket of water bottles: How about this?
Woman: No, I don’t like that water. It’s too watery. I like Poland Spring.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th
Woman: I’m going to get some water.
Friend, pointing to basket of water bottles: How about this?
Woman: No, I don’t like that water. It’s too watery. I like Poland Spring.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th
College guy #1: Okay, we need to go to the grocery store.
College guy #2: But that’s so boring! How am I going to update my Facebook status? Drew* is shopping for groceries? That is so lame!
College guy #1: Dude, you really can’t live your life based on an imagined Facebook profile status. It’s just not healthy.
–116th & Broadway
Suit: I was up in Toronto last week. It was nice, but it was really cold.
Guy: Yeah, it’s beautiful up there, but they get winter really early. It’s like that Shakespeare line, ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.’
Suit: [Befuddled silence.]
–LIRR into Penn Station
Overheard by: It was Dickens, DickWad
Mom: … But it was hopeless. But I was stuck there, like a little Dutch boy with my finger in a dike for two hours.
Daughter: Huh? Like, a girl?
–Basement of the MoMA
Teen girl #1: I just wish there was some middle ground. Like, if they could take the baby out without killing it.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, I know what you’re talking about.
Teen girl #1: But with rape, I think it’s totally wrong. It’s her fault.
Teen girl #2: Really? Why?
Teen girl #1: If you’re walking down a dark alley all alone, you have it coming to you. You should know better. It’s totally your own fault.
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Yuppie lady #1: I just love jogging around the reservoir in Central Park at dawn.
Yuppie lady #2: Yeah, it’s great… The only people out at that time are fitness fanatics and crackheads.
–Elevator, Time Warner Center
Ghetto girl #1: I love guys that can saaang!
Ghetto girl #2: Yeah, me too. They be marinatin’ you. That shit’s mad sexy.
Ghetto girl #1: Marinate? The fuck?! You mean ‘serenate.’ You’s a stupid-ass bitch!
–G train, Clinton-Washington station
Overheard by: all up in your grill
Tourist #1: Oooh, what’s that?
Tourists #1 and #2 simultaneously: A synagogue!
–St. Bart’s, 50th & Park
Overheard by: former Episcopalian
Chick: Did you see that bumper sticker?
Dude: Which one?
Chick: It said, ‘None are free when others are oppressed.’
Dude, annoyed: That makes no sense whatsoever.
–33rd & 9th
Overheard by: Ben
Dude #1: What happened?
Dude #2: I wiped my face with it and didn’t smell like piss.
Dude #1: Oh. Okay then.
–Crowded Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: budgetmoon
