Insults

This Performance Art Is Made Possible through the Support of Viewers Like You

Man: Is she serious? Is this broad serious?
Hipster chick who bumped into him: You talkin’ to me?
Man: Yeah, lady, I am talkin’ to you!
Hipster chick: Hey, buddy, as if your fat ass doesn’t bump into people everywhere you go.
Man: Well, actually, if my ass was half as big as yours, I bet it would!
Hipster chick: You only wish you had my ass.
Man: Yeah, you’re right. [Pauses, then gets noticeably calmer] Good thing you’re from New York or I’d have to kick you in the face.
Hipster chick: I’m not from New York. I’m from Toronto.
Man: Where is that, Antarctica?! Get outta my face!

–2 train, CPW

Overheard by: ginger balls

Translation: I Am Filled with Painful Emotions

Teen girl #1: I’m not even giving a fuck. If I was giving a fuck, I’d tell him I give a fuck, but I’m not giving a fuck, so I’m telling you I’m not giving a fuck.
Teen girl #2: Okay, okay, just shut up.

–14th & 6th

See?

Ghetto girl #1: Do you think I could be a saint?
Ghetto girl #2: No.
Ghetto girl #1: Shut up.

–Brooklyn Public Library

Tell Us Something about Dick Cheney We Don’t Know

Friend reading magazine: Look! That guy has a double chin!
Queer: Yeah, that’s because he’s a fucking asshole that eats souls.

–1 train

He’s the Best Improvisational Lear in the Park

Crazy hobo pointing and screaming at a baby on dad’s shoulder: Fucking bitch! You fucking bitch! Get the fuck out of here, you fucking bitch! You fucking slob!
Father to daughter, laughing: Come on, honey, let’s go!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: tj

Nothing Like Faint Praise from the Unworthy

Outgoing misogynist: See, my friend gives you a nine, but that’s because he loves Puerto Rican women. I give you a seven-and-a-half. [Lady nods without looking up from her magazine.] So, what do you think?
Head-in-hands misogynist: I think you just embarrassed me.
Outgoing misogynist: I think you overshot with that nine, that’s what I think.

–4 train

Overheard by: Alex

Like I’ve Never Walked in on You Snorting Icing, Mom?

Yuppie mother watching alternative guy prepare cupcakes: Ew, I don’t want him touching my cupcakes! I wish he were wearing gloves. He’s such a freak.
Young daughter: Mom, you can’t judge a book by its cover.
Yuppie mother, snootily: Well, sometimes you can! Freak.

–Magnolia Bakery

No, I Think We Went to Obedience School Together

Girl: I think that dog is staring at me…
Guy: Don’t flatter yourself.

–Washington Square dog park

Overheard by: Dog and people watcher

A Courier Will Deliver Further Instructions

Chubby Asian girl: I just don’t know, Dani* — if you start out giving him head, I don’t see what I’m supposed to do.
Ghetto girl: You s’posed to shut the fuck up and eat my pussy, bitch.
Chubby Asian girl: Oh, okay.

–Starbucks, St. Mark’s Pl

You Gals Kinda Make It Hard to Blame Everything on the Patriarchy

30-ish lady: So, Laura isn’t really comfortable with her body, and let me tell you — she shouldn’t be! I mean, I’ve never been small, but she is just sloppy chubby, you know?
30-ish friend: Ouch! But yeah, I see what you mean.

–Bleecker & Lafayette

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