Outgoing misogynist: See, my friend gives you a nine, but that’s because he loves Puerto Rican women. I give you a seven-and-a-half. [Lady nods without looking up from her magazine.] So, what do you think?
Head-in-hands misogynist: I think you just embarrassed me.
Outgoing misogynist: I think you overshot with that nine, that’s what I think.
–4 train
Overheard by: Alex
Yuppie mother watching alternative guy prepare cupcakes: Ew, I don’t want him touching my cupcakes! I wish he were wearing gloves. He’s such a freak.
Young daughter: Mom, you can’t judge a book by its cover.
Yuppie mother, snootily: Well, sometimes you can! Freak.
–Magnolia Bakery
Girl: I think that dog is staring at me…
Guy: Don’t flatter yourself.
–Washington Square dog park
Overheard by: Dog and people watcher
Chubby Asian girl: I just don’t know, Dani* — if you start out giving him head, I don’t see what I’m supposed to do.
Ghetto girl: You s’posed to shut the fuck up and eat my pussy, bitch.
Chubby Asian girl: Oh, okay.
–Starbucks, St. Mark’s Pl
30-ish lady: So, Laura isn’t really comfortable with her body, and let me tell you — she shouldn’t be! I mean, I’ve never been small, but she is just sloppy chubby, you know?
30-ish friend: Ouch! But yeah, I see what you mean.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
20-ish chick #1: We should have brought a black light to see what her teeth would have done.
20-ish chick #2: You always know how to make me feel better about bitches like that.
–Times Square
Guy #1: … And ‘K’ on a triple-letter score makes 45.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: What’s that? ‘Upchuck’? That’s not a word!
Guy #1: I’m afraid it is, dear.
Chick #2: Yup.
Guy #1: Go to dictionary dot com — look it up.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: And what does this word mean?
Guy #2: Well, upchuck is what you would do if you saw smegma.
Guy #1: Last time she saw smegma I got 42 points!
Chick #2, on computer: I just looked up ‘upchuck.’ It means ‘vomit.’
Guy #2: Smegma, upchuck… Mike, I’m noticing a pattern in your choice of words.
Guy #1: I just try to think of words that will get Tina really upset.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: Well, thank you very much. Are you proud that you’re a disgusting pig?
Guy #1: I would say I’m at peace with myself.
—Another Scrabble party, 34th & 2nd
Overheard by: Big Larry
Hobo: Yo! Where you girls from?
White teen girl: Your mom.
Hobo: Whoa, nigga, that’s crazy.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Cface
Homie #1: Fuck you, nigga! You ain’t hustlin’!
Homie #2: No, fuck you! My shit is tight!
Homie #1: I’m still spendin’ money from ’93, nigga!
Homie #2: I’m still spendin’ money from ’88, nigga!
–119th & 7th
Overheard by: yvahn
Asian girl, after falling down: Ouch! My knee!
Suit: That is the hottest thing I’ve seen all week.
–45th & 3rd
Overheard by: Lena L.
