Biotech: Mary, go fuck yourself!
Mary: I… I don’t know how.
–Grand & Roebling, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Jordan Cooper
Biotech: Mary, go fuck yourself!
Mary: I… I don’t know how.
–Grand & Roebling, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Jordan Cooper
Queer: There are a lot of young kids out there learning how to spell ‘glamorous,’ and that makes me real happy.
–Canal Jeans Co
Queer to tourist: You’re from Minnesota? My ex’s father was a senator from Minnesota. I went there once to meet him… I forget his name, but what we did was very taboo.
–Prince St
Queer to another: Don’t nudge me, you lesbian.
–Line for he Cyclone, Coney Island
Queer to boyfriend: You remind me of this autistic kid I worked with once.
–Park Ave
Overheard by: Katey
Queer on cell, perusing baked goods: I want a muffin. Do you want a muffin? This whole courtroom wants a muffin!
–Food Emporium
Overheard by: admittedly amused
B&T girl #1, about rowdy drunk lady who left car: Oh my god, that woman was on crack.
B&T girl #2: I know, right?!
B&T girl #1: She was, like, 40 years old and reeking of midlife crisis.
–C train
Man: Is she serious? Is this broad serious?
Hipster chick who bumped into him: You talkin’ to me?
Man: Yeah, lady, I am talkin’ to you!
Hipster chick: Hey, buddy, as if your fat ass doesn’t bump into people everywhere you go.
Man: Well, actually, if my ass was half as big as yours, I bet it would!
Hipster chick: You only wish you had my ass.
Man: Yeah, you’re right. [Pauses, then gets noticeably calmer] Good thing you’re from New York or I’d have to kick you in the face.
Hipster chick: I’m not from New York. I’m from Toronto.
Man: Where is that, Antarctica?! Get outta my face!
–2 train, CPW
Overheard by: ginger balls
Teen girl #1: I’m not even giving a fuck. If I was giving a fuck, I’d tell him I give a fuck, but I’m not giving a fuck, so I’m telling you I’m not giving a fuck.
Teen girl #2: Okay, okay, just shut up.
–14th & 6th
Ghetto girl #1: Do you think I could be a saint?
Ghetto girl #2: No.
Ghetto girl #1: Shut up.
–Brooklyn Public Library
Friend reading magazine: Look! That guy has a double chin!
Queer: Yeah, that’s because he’s a fucking asshole that eats souls.
–1 train
Crazy hobo pointing and screaming at a baby on dad’s shoulder: Fucking bitch! You fucking bitch! Get the fuck out of here, you fucking bitch! You fucking slob!
Father to daughter, laughing: Come on, honey, let’s go!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: tj
Outgoing misogynist: See, my friend gives you a nine, but that’s because he loves Puerto Rican women. I give you a seven-and-a-half. [Lady nods without looking up from her magazine.] So, what do you think?
Head-in-hands misogynist: I think you just embarrassed me.
Outgoing misogynist: I think you overshot with that nine, that’s what I think.
–4 train
Overheard by: Alex
Yuppie mother watching alternative guy prepare cupcakes: Ew, I don’t want him touching my cupcakes! I wish he were wearing gloves. He’s such a freak.
Young daughter: Mom, you can’t judge a book by its cover.
Yuppie mother, snootily: Well, sometimes you can! Freak.
–Magnolia Bakery
