Southern man: What the hell is a steak free-tes?
Southern woman: Oh honey, it’s a chicken fried steak and they probably serve it with grits. This is where famous people come to eat like real human beings.
Southern man: Well hell, they should call it somethin’ more respectable than Pasties.
–Pastis, 9th & Little W. 12th
Overheard by: Jack B. Nimble
Two Chinese men sit down on the bench next to a sleeping homeless man trying to sleep.
Hobo: Ah, hell no! You’re not going to start having a conversation like that at 3 in the fuckin’ morning…I ain’t got no motherfucking subtitle button on me!
–49th Street station
Overheard by: Schweiz
Crazy woman: 66?
Guy: Huh?
Crazy woman: 66?
Guy: Are you asking if it’s 66th Street?
Crazy woman: Do you speak english?
Guy: …no…I don’t.
–9 train
Overheard by: Petey Mills
Old Russian man approaches teen girl and says something in Russian.
Teen girl: What?
Russian man: You don’t speak Russian?
Teen girl: No.
Russian man: Oh, well you want job?
Teen girl: No.
Russian man walks away.
Girl’s mom: I think he wanted to hire you for an escort service.
–Sheepshead Bay train station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Waiting for the bus
Guy #1: Cinco, por favor.
Guy #2: Cinco? That’s dos, right?
–Sprint store
Overheard by: Thunder
Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever.
–MTV Studios, Times Square
Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman!
–22nd & Park
Overheard by: Bill Ray
Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime!
–32nd & 2nd
Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake?
–7 train
Overheard by: Todd Horan
Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Shoshana
Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays.
–58th & Lexington
Overheard by: Brandy Rowell
Female tourist: Look–he just gave the other driver the finger!
Male tourist: Isn't that just like saying “hi” in New York?
–72nd St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Gazoo
Teenage checkout worker, jokingly to coworker: I swear to fucking god one of these days I'ma just reach over and choke you. You are so goddamn annoying I will choke you! (Asian chick approaches, gives bag to teen worker)
Teenage checkout worker, leaning over counter: Nah whadda mean? Nah whadda mean? I'ma choke this mudafucker right here one day.
Asian chick: (silently gives bemused smile)
Teenage checkout worker: I swear to god I'ma choke this one right here, nah whadda mean?
Coworker being threatened: Yo, she doesn't speak English.
Asian chick, with sass: Excuse me? What you don't think I speak English? What, cause I'm Asian you don't think I can fucking speak English?
Coworker: (shocked silence)
Teen checkout worker: You tell him, girl! You tell him!
Asian chick: Yeah. Yeah. I got an 800 on the English section of the SAT. Yeah, I speak English.
Teen checkout worker: Tell him! Say that shit again yo, what was your score, girl?
Asian chick: An 800!
–B&H Photo Video
Overheard by: you tell him, girl!
Woman on telephone, calling someone back after having the call was dropped: Sorry, we were discommunicated.
— Times Square
Woman on cell: Yeah, I have to go. I’m too distracted on the phone, and I don’t trust anyone in this terminal. People are speaking Spanish behind me, if you know what I mean.
–LaGuardia
