Language Barrier

Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.

–N train, Astoria

Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

–Eckerd, Astoria

Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.

–79th St entrance, FDR

Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.

–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Stephen and Allison

Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!

–New York Public Library

Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library

Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.

–114th & Broadway

Guy # 1: Dude, I’m hella hungry.
Guy # 2: I’m freakin’ hella tired of your whining, a-hole!
Guy # 1: At least I ain’t hella stupid!
Guy # 2: And you’re hella ugly!
Passenger, to guys: Are you from Jersey?

–C Train

Overheard by: Hammer-head

Fat lady: Do you understand English?
Guy: I do and you sound like an asshole.

–7 train

D.O.M.: I really like your culture.
Cute Japanese bartender: You… like torture?
D.O.M.: What? No, no… Culture — culture….
Bartender: [Silence.]D.O.M.: Culture. Man, how do I say this…?
Bartender: [Silence.]D.O.M.: … I like what you guys do.
Bartender, leery: Thanks…

–Japanese restaurant

Overheard by: aulevan

Boy: Look mommy, it's a doggy, it's going to say “ruff!”
(dog stares at boy)
Boy: Oh… It's not a ruff doggy…
Mom: No, honey, it's a sweet doggy.
Boy (wide eyed): It can say “sweet?”

–Washington Mews & University

Overheard by: Tyler

Idiot: You speak European as well?
Chick: I speak… uh… I don’t know what I speak.

–East Village

Overheard by: Nico Westerdale

Girl #1: His Irish accent is so heavy.
Girl #2: I know.
Girl #1: All I could make out were the words ‘actor’ and ‘single,’ but we’ll work the rest out later.

–Stitch Bar & Lounge

Teen girl, about old Latina scolding dog in Spanish: Stupid bitch! Dogs don’t speak Spanish!

–86th & Columbus

College girl, to mumbling Persians: What language are you speaking? I’m just curious…
Persian college student: Well, that was English…

–Elevator, NYU Dorm

20-something male with slight accent: Man, this is bloody annoying.
Middle aged male: You know, I've been meaning to ask. Are you British?
20-something male with slight accent: I'm from Texas, you wanker.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Locational