Visitor lady #1: What was the name of your vibrator? Was it Pedro or Paco?
Visitor lady #2: No, it was my first one: Sergei.
Visitor lady #1: What? Why did I say Pedro? Where did that come from?
Patient guy: …My first goat‘s name was Pedro.
–Mount Sinai Rehabilitation Center, Gustave Levy Place
Overheard by: Lindroid
Wannabe fashionista on cell: Yeah, so I have to walk the red carpet. What? No . . . My feet are trashed, but how much walking will I actually have to do? . . . What, Mom, stop it! I was trying on gowns the other day. But I have to find a smaller one. Yeah, they were too big. . . No, Mom! What do you think my job was when I was in PR, borrowing gowns from stars?
–Starbucks, 21st & 7th
Teen boy #1: Dude, are you gay?
Teen boy #2: No. Why?
Teen boy #1: Because I saw you whacking off to your cousin! Did you shoot on him?
Teen boy #2: No, we were comparing sizes!
Teen boy #1: Well, that’s gay. You’re never suppose to show your stuff to another guy!
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Austin Crumpler
Ghetto girl #1: I had like four pancakes this mornin’.
Ghetto girl #2: You mean like those little bagels?
–34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Brian Hamill
Mom: Excuse me officer, can you tell me where the Crown Building is located?
Cop: Lady, if the building collapsed you would be crushed.
–57th & 5th
Old Jewish lady #1: That’s a gorgeous ring. What is that, 5 carats?
Old Jewish lady #2: Yes. I’m going to give it to my granddaughter when she turns 16. Maybe 18. As long as I know she’s still a virgin.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Stephanie
Litte boy: Dad, what’s something I can learn?
Dad: Do you know how to use a chainsaw? I can see if I can get the chainsaw working.
–B train
Overheard by: The Bling
Guy #1: How was that class for you? Was it like a war?
Guy #2: For me? It was more like walking through a preschool with a chainsaw.
–181st & Broadway
Asian guy: Are there really this many Israelis in New York?
–61st & 5th
Overheard by: Adam Shprintzen
Tourist girl: What’s a knish? I don’t know about these flavors. Can I get a plain one?
–Yonah Schimmel’s Knishery, Houston Street
White girl: There’s really no difference between gay guys and Jewish guys…Just the hat and a little ass-fucking, but other than that they’re pretty much the same.
–184th & Bennett
Girl: I don’t know if it’s an ego thing or what, but Jews really turn me on!
–French Roast Cafe, West 11th Street
Overheard by: Dottie McFarland
Woman #1: Did Francesca like the sweaters you bought her?
Woman #2: She liked the red one. But I came home the other day and half of it was gone. She ate it.
–92nd & Broadway
Thug #1: Kelly Bundy’s dancing on Broadway.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheelchair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I’d break her clit if I had the chance.
–F train
Girl: If I hear another show tune out of context I think I’m going to vomit. Physically vomit. You know that feeling?
Guy: Uh, no.
–42nd between 9th & 10th
