Happy guy looks at two happy girls: Aah, look how happy they are! That is how it’s supposed to be around here.
Unhappy guy looks at two happy girls: They look too happy, considering they’ve probably contracted multiple STD’s just this week.
Happy guy: So you’re not happy today?
–Union Square
Drunk queer: I’m not a fucking asshole! Just because I said I didn’t like Shania Twain, I’m an asshole?!
–11th & 3rd
Girl: Ah! there’s a cockroach under the table.
Guy: Where are you going?
Girl: Leaving. I’ll be outside. Just pay the tab.
Guy: Okay.
Waiter: …Hey, where’d your date go?
Guy: She saw a cockroch and bolted.
Waiter: Yeah, we get that a lot.
–Patsy’s Pizza, University Place
Overheard by: Luke
Attorney: Wow, it’s really bad outside!
Front Desk Lady: I hope it’s not like that when it’s time to go home.
Attorney: Hey, don’t you live in Staten Island?
Front Desk Lady: No I don’t. And even if you buy me a $4 million house there, I still wouldn’t live in that dump.
–Midtown office
Overheard by: Felson
Guy #1: I think I’d come in third.
Guy #2: Why third? Why not first or second?
Guy #1: I don’t know, I probably don’t have the biggest, but it isn’t the smallest either, so I figured third.
Guy #3: Wait, then whose dick do you think is the smallest?
Guy #1: I don’t fucking know! I just don’t think I have the smallest, so I’m sure I beat one of you motherfuckers.
Guy #4: Dude, sounds like you got a small dick.
–24th & Lexington
Overheard by: paul10003
Hobo #1: What are you doing here begging for something to drink? You come on, get out of there.
Hobo #2: Shut up, you transie.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: teresa barber
Trust fund girl #1: But you have to have a baby. Babies are so cute ’cause you can dress them up.
Trust fund girl #2: Totally, and they are way easier then dogs.
Trust fund girl #1: You don’t have to walk them even…
–5th & Park
Girl: Hey, what’s this about?
Guy: Uh, it’s a documentary.
Girl: So they just march around?
–Borders, Time Warner Center
Overheard by: JHA
Hobo: Can you spare some change?
Girl: No sir, sorry.
Hobo: “Sir”? “Sir“? Where you going? Fucking Buckingham Palace, Sherlock?
–15th & 8th
Teen girl: Whenever I like a guy I get diarrhea.
–8th Ave. & 16th St.
Overheard by: Kevin Allan
