Crackhead: If my wife looked like you, I would stop smoking crack and get a job.
Businessgirl: Thanks.
–53rd & 7th
Crackhead: If my wife looked like you, I would stop smoking crack and get a job.
Businessgirl: Thanks.
–53rd & 7th
Coach lecturing a mesmerized group of prefrosh: I am able to diagnose psychological issues very accurately because I used to suffer from them myself. So, for example, your typical goth girl will have below-average self-esteem. Girls who dance with their hands above their heads or who are obsessed about their purses date a lot and also suffer from low self-esteem.
–Downtown 1 train, 86th Street
Overheard by: Daniel
Guy 1: What did you do this weekend?
Guy 2: Masturbate. You?
–Union Square theater
Student #1: I don’t think we learned anything.
Student #2: Well, did you do the reading?
Student #1: No.
Student #2: Well, what did you expect?
Student #1: I don’t like to read. I like to be taught.
–Elevator, NYU School of Continuing & Professional Studies, 42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Josh Barro
Syccophant: Our desk chairs suck.
Amazon fashionista: I’m happy.
Syccophant: And amazingly beautiful.
–19th & 5th
Overheard by: scarfaccio
Mother to little girl: Eat your vegetables.
Little girl: I’m opposed to vegetables.
Father: Hey, your brother is opposed to dating women, and apparently we’re letting that one slide.
–Jackson Hole, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Casey girl
Tourist guy: Excuse me, do you work here?
Uniformed employee: Yes…
Tourist guy: Oh good. Is this Central Park?
Uniformed employee: No, this is Dale and Thomas Popcorn.
Tourist guy: Oh, well the bus guide said this was it. Where is it?
Uniformed employee, pointing north: Just walk that way.
Tourist guy: Well that’s not much help, how the hell am I supposed to find it?
Uniformed employee: Oh trust me, you’ll find it.
Tourist guy: HOW?
Uniformed employee: IT’S A BIG FUCKING PARK!
–Dale and Thomas Popcorn, 48th & Broadway
Old man: Oh, yes. Now I remember him.
Medical assistant: Well I’d hope you’d remember him after he stuck his finger in your butt!
–outside urology clinic, 9th & University
Overheard by: Aerialist
Woman: I find the suburbs to be extremely frightening. I know they all have air conditioning, but still…
–6 train
Twentysomething guy: The quality of life here is so bad…I mean, if you enjoy drinking all night and having random sex, you’ll like living in New York.
–5th Ave & 9th St
Casting person: Ok, here’s the problem, they don’t wan’t a baby with a huge head compared to his chest, nor do they want to see gross veins all over its chest. They want the fucking Gerber baby, ok?
–38th between 7th & 8th
Friend to new mother with infant: All babies look great in black. Did you know that?
–Madison & 91st
Overheard by: Kelly Smith
Woman: Actually, now that they’ve started talking, the twins are much less creepy.
–Central Park
