Old lady to old guy: You’re sitting on my dress!
Old guy: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Old lady: Do you enjoy sitting on women?!
Old guy: Well, it depends on how old they are.
–M1 bus
Old lady to old guy: You’re sitting on my dress!
Old guy: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Old lady: Do you enjoy sitting on women?!
Old guy: Well, it depends on how old they are.
–M1 bus
Asian guy: The freshman at Stuyvesant are more attractive than the sophomores this year.
Asian girl: That’s because they lowered the standards for them last year. And dumber people are obviously way hotter than smarter ones.
–Tasty Dumplings, Chinatown
Street vendor: Watches — five dollars.
Guy: Five dollars? What’s the catch?
Street vendor becomes nervous and looks around.
Street vendor: They’ll never catch me!
— Fulton St
Overheard by: elephant
Stoner #1: Yo, why did newsboys used to shout “Extra!” when they’d sell papers?
Stoner #2: I don’t know… maybe the news was about.. like… X-Men… like, mutants…
Stoner #1: Yeah… true… maybe.
–University & 8th
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
Girl: Ew, I don’t even want to think about it. Cunnilingus.
Guy #1: Of course you think it’s gross if you call it that.
Guy #2: It’s just Latin.
Guy #1: It’s vulgar Latin.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jeeves
Lady hobo: ‘ey, you got the Boys Gone Crazy?
Cashier Dude You mean Girls Gone Wild?
Lady hobo: Yeah man, girls gone crazy, whatever, it’ll do.
–Fantasy World, 7th Ave
Vendor: I hate customers like you, with your big bills for a 95-cent drink.
Ghetto thug: I could always shoot your old ass, and have the soda for free if that makes making change any easier.
–207th & Broadway
Female lawyer: So what nationality are you?
Male lawyer: Scandinavian.
Female lawyer: Cool…. Where is Scandinavia?
Male lawyer shakes head and walks away.
–1st precinct
Overheard by: crackerjack
ER admitting doctor with infinite patience: It’s just sore gums, probably from flossing. No need to worry.
Baroness Munchaussen: But it could get infected, right? And I could die, right?
Doctor: Has anyone ever died from this in the history of mankind? Maybe. But you could also walk out of the hospital and be hit by a bus. You have a better chance of that happening.
Baroness: So you’re saying I could die from this, and I shouldn’t leave the hospital?
–St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital Emergency Room
Hot chick: So, I just wanted to let you know I’m just coming out of a relationship.
Buff dude: Oh. Well, then I should tell you that I used to be a stripper in Chicago.
Hot chick: Hmm…I have herpes.
Buff dude: That’s ok, I have two cats.
–Scruffy Duffy’s, 8th Ave between 46th & 47th
