Mean old New York lady: The hostesses in this place are so rude!
–67th & CPW
Overheard by: a hostess standing next to her
College kid on cell: He used my razor to shave his balls….I didn’t know what to do, I just stood there.
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: Omar
Prissy girl on cell phone: Do you think I should call him? I don’t think he’d talk to me after all of the shit I’ve pulled.
–79th between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Phipmode
Guy on cell: I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. I’m usually so fucked up I don’t know what’s going on, to be honest.
–NJ Transit bus pulling into Port Authority
Suit to other suit: They drive it through the city in milk trucks so that no one will know.
–6th between 55th & 56th
Overheard by: Ann M. Hetzel
Queer on cell: Sunday? Well, I hate to say this out loud on a cell phone where the authorities can hear, but. . . that’s Tonys night.
–Broadway & 33rd, Astoria
Overheard by: lily carver
Guy: I went to high school with you. I was a senior when you were a freshman. I used to look at your pantylines in gym class.
–Kevin St. James, 46th & 8th
Girl #1: Was he attractive at least?
Girl #2: I wouldn’t sleep with people who aren’t attractive.
Girl #1: Well, I’ve slept with people who weren’t attractive.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 140th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Guy at register: So, where do you go to college?
Girl checking out with mom: Erm, Wellesley.
Guy at register: Oh no way! I went to Wellesley! How is it these days?
–Columbia University
Very old lady to husband: You asshole! YOU ASSHOLE! I hate you.
Old husband: Wha?
Old lady: You didn’t wait for me, you fucking asshole.
–Clearview Cinemas, 62nd & 1st
Queer clerk: Am I sort of red here? [points at forehead]
Chick clerk: Um, no. Well, actually, kinda.
Queer clerk: Yeah, I knew that when his thing hit me there last night, it was going to leave a mark.
–The Pleasure Chest, 7th Ave S
Overheard by: office peon does nyc
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: My father was telling me the dangers of aspartame — you know the stuff in Diet Coke? It’s like a sugar. It was once registered as a chemical weapon.
Hipster companion: Yeah?
Eva Amurri: If there is any way to become a superhero, it has to be by drinking Diet Coke.
[later]
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: I can’t remember how it ends… If he dies in a war or if Gatsby gets in a car crash, but he loves Daisy.
[later still]
Eva Amurri: Pasties are Band-Aids that only cover your nipples.
–Acela train leaving Penn Station
Overheard by: could you maybe namedrop your mom less, Miss Top-Volume-At-All-Times?
Nebraska girl #1: It feels like it’s raining.
Nebraska girl #2: I think it’s coming from the set.
Pause
Nebraska girl #3: Where’s it coming from?…Oh, it’s actually raining.
–John St., near filming of Spiderman 3
Overheard by: Fishy
Girl: Well, Christy works with three people who are getting sex changes.
Guy: Yeah, but she works at a vegan restaurant.
–Ave A & St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: jenny wallace
