Manhattan

It Was Just Wishful Thinking

ER admitting doctor with infinite patience: It’s just sore gums, probably from flossing. No need to worry.
Baroness Munchaussen: But it could get infected, right? And I could die, right?
Doctor: Has anyone ever died from this in the history of mankind? Maybe. But you could also walk out of the hospital and be hit by a bus. You have a better chance of that happening.
Baroness: So you’re saying I could die from this, and I shouldn’t leave the hospital?

–St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital Emergency Room

Have We No Standards Anymore?

Hot chick: So, I just wanted to let you know I’m just coming out of a relationship.
Buff dude: Oh. Well, then I should tell you that I used to be a stripper in Chicago.
Hot chick: Hmm…I have herpes.
Buff dude: That’s ok, I have two cats.

–Scruffy Duffy’s, 8th Ave between 46th & 47th

You Take a Compliment Where You Can Get It

Crackhead: If my wife looked like you, I would stop smoking crack and get a job.
Businessgirl: Thanks.

–53rd & 7th

Best Years of Her Life

Coach lecturing a mesmerized group of prefrosh: I am able to diagnose psychological issues very accurately because I used to suffer from them myself. So, for example, your typical goth girl will have below-average self-esteem. Girls who dance with their hands above their heads or who are obsessed about their purses date a lot and also suffer from low self-esteem.

–Downtown 1 train, 86th Street

Overheard by: Daniel

There’s Just So Much to Do in the City

Guy 1: What did you do this weekend?
Guy 2: Masturbate. You?

–Union Square theater

Top Programs for Today’s Completely Passive Learners

Student #1: I don’t think we learned anything.
Student #2: Well, did you do the reading?
Student #1: No.
Student #2: Well, what did you expect?
Student #1: I don’t like to read. I like to be taught.

–Elevator, NYU School of Continuing & Professional Studies, 42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Josh Barro

You’d Make a Good Desk Chair

Syccophant: Our desk chairs suck.
Amazon fashionista: I’m happy.
Syccophant: And amazingly beautiful.

–19th & 5th

Overheard by: scarfaccio

They Both Prefer Meat

Mother to little girl: Eat your vegetables.
Little girl: I’m opposed to vegetables.
Father: Hey, your brother is opposed to dating women, and apparently we’re letting that one slide.

–Jackson Hole, 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Casey girl

When You’re Standing in the Middle of a Lake, You’re There

Tourist guy: Excuse me, do you work here?
Uniformed employee: Yes…
Tourist guy: Oh good. Is this Central Park?
Uniformed employee: No, this is Dale and Thomas Popcorn.
Tourist guy: Oh, well the bus guide said this was it. Where is it?
Uniformed employee, pointing north: Just walk that way.
Tourist guy: Well that’s not much help, how the hell am I supposed to find it?
Uniformed employee: Oh trust me, you’ll find it.
Tourist guy: HOW?
Uniformed employee: IT’S A BIG FUCKING PARK!

–Dale and Thomas Popcorn, 48th & Broadway

Never Forgets a Face or a Finger

Old man: Oh, yes. Now I remember him.
Medical assistant: Well I’d hope you’d remember him after he stuck his finger in your butt!

–outside urology clinic, 9th & University

Overheard by: Aerialist

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist