MTA employee: What train is this?
Subway rider: Uh… the W.
MTA employee: Does it go to City Hall?
Subway rider: Yes, it follows the same line as the R.
MTA employee: Oh, okay, good. [Upon reaching City Hall] Wow, that was fast.
–W train at Whitehall Station
Mom to three-year-old: Actually, there are two other airports in New York. One is called ‘JFK,’ and the other is called ‘New Jersey.’
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Fudd
Drunk girl: Well, somebody’s walking back to Jersey tonight!
–Times Square
Man on cell: Well, you’re really going to have to gather whatever inner strength you’ve got, look inside yourself, stay strong… Be prepared to live without me around… Huh? New Jersey! What did you think I meant?
–42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Guy on cell: She’s moving to Israel? Really? I guess people really will do anything to get out of New Jersey.
–Park Slope
Woman on cell: No, you see, this guy was a Jersey guy. He might have made it big on Wall Street, but he’s a Jersey guy. That was a mistake.
–Battery Park
Guy #1: What is wrong with this district?
Guy #2: I know! Every store is a liquor store.
Guy #1: There should be district liquor summer camps or something.
Headline by: Menzer
Runners-Up:
· “An excerpt from “The History of Catholic Camp”” – Manda
· “But that’s what New Jersey’s for!” – cinekat
· “Captain Morgan gains close victory in district 7, narrowly beating Corporal Cocaine and Major Methamphetamine.” – Victor
· “I Don’t Want to Know What You Did Last Summer” – Laura
· “I’m going for the “Finding a Bruise of Unknown Origin” Merit Badge” – Syd O
· “Kumbaya with a twist” – danny
· “Southern Comfort Proudly Sponsors Boy Scout Troop 741” – Bevan
· “With Sailing Lessons from Captain Morgan” – Greene
· “Wyoming is way ahead of you.” – Merk
Girl: So, is the ferry the only way to get to Staten Island?
–SeaStreak ferry under the Verrazano Bridge
Overheard by: Look. Up.
Kid: I’ve never been to New York City before!
Mom: You live in New York City. This is Manhattan, but you live in New York City.
Kid: Well, I mean I’ve never been to New York City before.
–42nd & 8th Ave
Thug in Navigator: Hey! Where’s Brooklyn Bridge at from here?
Guy in car: Uhhh…
Queer in back seat: You’re asking three white guys in a Connecticut car? Fuck! You ain’t gonna make it.
–Flatbush Ave, off the BQE
Overheard by: TK, third guy from CT who didn’t know either
Hipster chick: Do you think New Yorkers are mean, or are we just so jaded we’re not fazed by anything?
Hipster dude: I think it’s a combination of both.
Hipster chick: Because, well, my friend just found out he has testicular cancer, and he’s getting one of his balls removed on his birthday. And I thought that was hilarious. You know what else? Maybe New Yorkers are also whores — I seriously considered sleeping with him just so I could say I was the last person to see his left ball.
Hipster dude: That’s a bit soulless. But it’s also a little funny.
Hipster chick: See, really, if you think about it in the right way, everything is funny.
Hobo: You’re just a mean whore.
–Bedford & 6th St
Overheard by: Overheard in New York is based on that very concept
Clerk: Australia… is that here or is that one of those France places?
–Utica and Atlantic, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Keith
JAP: Then we went to Florence, and after that to the seacoast around Genoa, all these little towns — I think it’s called the Geneva Convention.
–Hip coffee shop, 71 Irving Place
JAP: So where exactly is New England? Is it in Europe?
–Duane Reade
Tourist chick, pointing far away: That’s Manhattan, right?
–Observatory, Empire State Building
Overheard by: kaja
Guy to friends: Wait, are you sure we’re not in Boston?
–86th and Park Ave.
Tourist to her family, pointing at City Hall: I’m not sure what that building is, but I’m going to guess it’s the French Embassy.
–Next to the gates outside City Hall
Girl: Mom, where is Viagra Falls?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Delilah
Conductor, as the 7 connection pulls from the station across the platform: All of you can thank the passenger in the fifth car down for holding the doors at 59th and making all of you miss your connection.
–N train at Queensboro
Conductor: All right, you had your chance… doors are closing.
–Downtown 1 train @ 42nd st
Overheard by: Mark Manne
Conductor on speaker: We will be stopping in this station for an unspecified amount of time due to our hour delay. There is no scheduled departure time for this train. Once the maintenance is finished we will be departing unannounced. I repeat, we will be leaving unannounced. So if you do decide to step off the train, remember: the train didn’t leave you–you left the train.
–Amtrak train Penn Station
Overheard by: Maggie
Conductor: Attention on the platform. There is no F service in Brooklyn this weekend. For F service to Manhattan, please get on this G train and listen for announcements. Otherwise, you will be waiting here until Monday morning.
–Queens-bound G train, Bergen St.
Overheard by: Maggie
Conductor: Welcome to Times Square, crossroads of the world. Transfer here to everything. Bye.
–7 train station, Times Square
Overheard by: Margarita
Conductor: Due to destruction, there is no service on the 1 train. Repeat, due to destruction, the 1 train is suspended.
–Downtown 2 train
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a Manhattan-bound N train. Now everybody throw their hands in the air! This is going to be fun! Whee!
–N train going around bend, pulling into Queensboro Plaza
Long Island JAP #1: Are all New York City girls drug-addict whores?
Long Island JAP #2: Yeah, but so are girls from Long Island. There’s really no difference.
Random Upper East Side JAP: Oh my god, can I just interject for a second here? Long Island girls and New York City girls are not the same thing. It is not okay to wear Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirts, and we’re all addicted to drugs because we don’t have gross Long Island weed and coke that is ninety-nine percent baking soda. And we’re whores because we’re like a thousand times hotter than you’ll ever be, even when we’re not wearing makeup. Plus, I don’t tawk like this.
Long Island JAP #1: Wow, that was, like, seriously uncalled for.
Upper East Side JAP: Yeah well, I’d rather cut off my own arms than live in Long Island. Also, I’m just high, so don’t really pay attention to me.
–Serafina, Upper East Side
