NYC Geography

Chick: So what are the most dangerous places in New York these days?
Dude #1: I don’t know. Hell’s Kitchen used to be the worst.
Dude #2: What about Harlem?
Dude #1: I guess Harlem’s still bad, but it’s not like it used to be where everybody would be waiting around to stab lost white people.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Alex Remnick

Guy: You go ahead, take that seat.
Girl: No, that’s okay, I’m getting off soon.
Guy: So am I! Take it.
Hobo: What’s all this nicey‐nice bullshit? Where are we, fucking Michigan? Fucking England?

–1 train

Overheard by: Emily Borgen 

Girl: The party is out in Brooklyn? Are you kidding me? I swear you need a passport to get out there.


Yuppie lady boasting about son: He graduated summa cum laude from Villanova!
Cashier: Vee‐la‐no‐va? Is that in New York?
Yuppie lady: No, it’s in–
Cashier, interrupting: –Yeah, then I don’t care.

–Clothing store, 54th & 5th

Drunk guy on cell: We’re going to the Lower East Side. You can’t miss me – I’m in a rickshaw!

–2nd Avenue & 4th Street

Librarian: You’ll have to go to Bronx Library Center for that.
Geography wizard: Is that in Manhattan?

–Van Nest Library, The Bronx

Scholar: Brooklyn is the Paris of New York.

–Grand Army Plaza Station, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ivel

Crazy: Fuck Brooklyn! I can pay for Brooklyn on any other day. Yes, that’s right — I’m a black man, and I am not going to Brooklyn. What do you know about that! And you, you’re a Jew. I’ll still pray for you. Wherever we end up, I’ll still pray for you. Fuck all you people. Except you, Jew. I love you.

–L train from 6th Ave to 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Nash Astor

Girl: I just don’t like living in Brooklyn. My place is, like, four whole blocks away from Dunkin’ Donuts.

–Tenacious D album signing, Virgin Megastore

Guy: Sobriety is my back, I am the camel, and Brooklyn is the straw.

–A/C/E subway platform, Lower West Side

Overheard by: Magaret

Lady: I like the brown eggs more than the white. Well, I have 12 at home in my fridge — it’s like Brooklyn in there.

–15th St & Union Square West

German tourist #1: We went to the Jewish Heritage Museum yesterday and the security was crazy! The metal detector reacted to the button of my jeans, they didn’t let me carry my bag, and I had to hand in my jacket as well. They didn’t even do that when we toured the UN building!
German tourist #2: Maybe you were just racially profiled.

–Staten Island Ferry

Little girl: Where are we going now?
Mother: Chinatown.
Little girl: Vagina town?
Mother, chuckling: No — China‐town.
Little girl, coyly: Well, I live in peeenis‐town.
Mother: Okay, Lila.

–Union Square

Overheard by: S.S.

Guy: I’m a NyLon.
Girl: A what?
Guy: A NyLon. New York‐Londoner.
Girl: Oh, well, I’m a NoInt.
Guy: NoInt?
Girl: Yeah, Not Interested.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Lucy Stone