Uptown Wednesday One-Liners

Man: Well, at least if you get deported you’d get to go somewhere exotic. If I get deported I go back to the Bronx…

–Barnard College

Conductor, as rap music blares through speakers: Yo, this is a shout-out to all my niggas keepin’ it real on the 1 train. Takin’ the 1 to the Bronx at four a.m. — that’s gangsta, son!

–Bronx -bound 1 train

Female employee: I’m so annoyed… so annoyed. This morning there was a dead body near the Bronx train station. It made me late for work. The train was sooo crowded. I hate that! I hate when we are all packed in the train like sardines!

–Fox News Channel newsroom

Chick: He’s either retarded… or from the Bronx.

–Hell’s Kitchen

Overheard by: mokee

Posted on April 11, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, NYC Geography, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners

But He Keeps Getting Stopped by Border Patrol

Trendy girl: Yeah, well, it’s cheaper to steal cars in the US than to import them.
Fellow employee: Yeah, so he steals these cars and takes them way the hell out to the middle of nowhere… Like, Brooklyn…

–Office elevator, Park Ave South

Overheard by: way too much time on my hands

Posted on April 9, 2007
Cars and Driving, Coworkers, Elevators, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Thievery

I Use the Latter As Pace Rabbits

Yuppie lady #1: I just love jogging around the reservoir in Central Park at dawn.
Yuppie lady #2: Yeah, it’s great… The only people out at that time are fitness fanatics and crackheads.

–Elevator, Time Warner Center

Posted on April 8, 2007
Buildings, Cocaine, Idiots, NYC Geography, Sports, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Women, Yuppies

A Real New Yorker Would’ve Said No

Drunk lady: Excuse me, does this train go to Grand Central?
Guy departing train: Yeah.

–6 platform, Grand Central

Overheard by: maybe i should have said something…

Posted on April 5, 2007
Drunks, Grand Central, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Stupidity

Because Harlem Is Lovely This Time of Year

Student: What’s the closest subway station that will get us to the Bronx?
Hotel worker: Are you sure that’s where you wanna get?

–Radisson Hotel

Posted on March 22, 2007
Hotels, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Students

Tough Talk for a Kid from the Bronx

Teacher: What country do we live in?
Very enthusiastic little boy: The United States of New York!
Teacher, a few minutes later: Can someone name a state outside of New York?
Very enthusiastic little boy: Brooklyn!

–First grade classroom, the Bronx

Posted on March 18, 2007
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Brooklyn, Classroom, Elementary & Middle School, History & Geography, Kids, NYC Geography, Only in New York, People, Places, School, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Topics, U.S. Geography, Venues

Oh Shit, Here Comes Another Cop!

Thug #1: Damn, how come every time a nigga tries to ride the subway the damn cops got to search ‘im?
Thug #2: Um, I dunno, maybe ’cause every time you see a cop, you yell, ‘Oh, shit, the po-lice!’ Fuckin’ dumbass. That wasted 10 fuckin’ minutes! I’m not ridin’ the train wit’ you no more.
Thug #1: Hey, it ain’t my fault! I’m from the projects. That’s, like, what we do!

–4 train

Overheard by: Mike N

Posted on March 5, 2007
Cops, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Thugs

Wednesday One-Liners Are Excellent Drivers, Excellent Drivers

Man to woman and her friend pushing a stroller: Listen, Jeanie, you like my sperm, and I like your car. I’m sure we can make a deal.

–60th & Central Park South

Firefighter after getting a call: Hey, boss, how many one-way streets do you think I can drive down the wrong way?

–Pathmark under Manhattan Bridge

Overheard by: tj

Midwestern woman in preppy clothes sticking head out passenger window of sedan: Excuse me, we’re trying to merge…

–Waiting to enter Lincoln Tunnel

Overheard by: Angela

Homeless musician with Casio keyboard plays entire intro to ‘Oye Como Va,’ then sings: Oye como va, ba da da, blah blah blah blah blah! [Abruptly stops] Well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s what you get for not having a car.

–L train to Williamsburg

Overheard by: Subway Goer

Posted on February 28, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Cars and Driving, Cum, Music, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, Questions, Stupidity, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Americans Call That ‘The Naughty Bit’

Bloke #1 looking at subway map: It’s not actually that big a city, is it?
Bloke #2: Yeah, and there’s really no need for this bit here.
Bloke #1: That’s where all the rappers grew up.

–L station, 3rd Ave

Overheard by: miss blanky-poo