NYC Geography

Little girl: Where does the H train go, mommy?
Mom: There is no H train.
Little girl: I train?
Mom: No I train either.
Little girl: J train? Where does the J train go?
Mom: To Brooklyn. [Pause] Nowhere we’d ever go.

–F train, between West 4th & 14th

Male intellectual: I was put in a mental hospital when I was fifteen. I still don’t know why. I asked a doctor at one point, “Why am I here?” and he said, “Don’t worry about it. You’re very mentally ill, and it will take you a long time to recover.” I said, “But what am I recovering from?” and he just said, “Don’t worry about it.” I still don’t know why I was there. The only reason I can think of is, I have a terrible temper.
Female intellectual: Yes, but sweetie, your temper? It’s abnormal. It’s not like a human temper. It’s insane.
Male intellectual: Well, maybe, but it’s not like I blew up the World Trade Center.

–Cafe Henri, Long Island City

Hobo: That’s it. I’m revokin’ ya hood pass! Don’t go past a hundred and tenth!

–80th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Jeremy Cristol

White girl on cell: I can’t take the subway now, it’s 10 o’clock. I’m not black.

–67th & 2nd

Desi kid #1: Shit I didn’t know Brooklyn was this advanced.
Desi kid #2: Isn’t that the Water Street dorm?
Desi kid #1: Oh yeah…
Desi kid #2: We didn’t quite make it off Manhattan, it seems.

–Water St

Overheard by: Innocenti

Woman on a payphone, with a hand over the receiver, yelling out to a man walking by: What city is this? What city am I in?
Man: Brooklyn!

–33rd & 9th, Manhattan

Recording: This is Brooklyn Bridge…
Girl #1: This don’t look like Brooklyn Bridge
Girl# 2: I know, maybe they’re doing renovations or something.
Lady suit: We’re still in the tunnel.

–downtown 4 Train

Overheard by: Madison Parks

Tourist guy: Excuse me, do you work here?
Uniformed employee: Yes…
Tourist guy: Oh good. Is this Central Park?
Uniformed employee: No, this is Dale and Thomas Popcorn.
Tourist guy: Oh, well the bus guide said this was it. Where is it?
Uniformed employee, pointing north: Just walk that way.
Tourist guy: Well that’s not much help, how the hell am I supposed to find it?
Uniformed employee: Oh trust me, you’ll find it.
Tourist guy: HOW?
Uniformed employee: IT’S A BIG FUCKING PARK!

–Dale and Thomas Popcorn, 48th & Broadway

Tourist lady: Excuse me, is this Central Park?
New York man: Uh, yes, this is.
Tourist lady: Are you sure? It seems a little off-center to me.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Off-center Dog Walker

Teen on cell: So how do I get to your office? Wait, which way is east? Towards the river? What river? I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF TIMES SQUARE, I DON’T SEE A FUCKIN RIVER! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ASK SOMEONE WHERE THE FUCKING RIVER IS? MANHATTAN’S AN ISLAND, THERE’S RIVER ALL OVER THE PLACE!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Woman #1: And I told him, I mean, you wanna gamble, you got to go to Las Vegas or Atlantic City. You out there gamblin in Brooklyn where they don’t give you part credit if you part right.
Woman #2: Mmm hmmm.
Woman #1: They lost 10,000 in one day. If you in Las Vegas, at least it’s still a trip. Go outside and get on the roller coaster. Get some buffet. But if you in Brooklyn, you still in Brooklyn when you done gamblin.

–4/5 train