NYU

Wednesday One-Liners Are on Red Alert

Guy accepting donations: Help feed the homeless! Even terrorists can help feed the homeless!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: sugar ray mcgrath

Hobo: If you see an unattended bag or package, please report it to the nearest New York Police Officer or MTA worker. If one is not around, tell me. I’ll open that shit up.

–4 train, Fulton St

Overheard by: Laura

Hobo, to tourist family taking group photo: Terrorist! Terrorist! Terrorist!

–C Train, 72nd St

Overheard by: Barry P.

British tourist: But there were two Empire State buildings, right? That fell?

–WTC site

Overheard by: J Bird

Girl: Last night, I was so drunk I forgot about 9/11.

–NYU

Overheard by: Bronwyn

Lady to nervous woman: Can I ask you a question? I ain’t a terrorist or nothin’. I’m from New Haven.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fudd

British bloke: You mean they don’t have any missiles here, in Manhattan?

–Grand & Broadway

Overheard by: jcm

And Someone Is Definitely Going to Buy Coke With My Money

NYU girl: I would totally pay her back and all, but…
NYU guy: But what?
NYU girl: But she’s a fucking cokehead is what! If anyone’s gonna buy coke with my money, it will be me.

–Washington Square Park

Rebellious Wednesday One-Liners

Summer student: I don’t know where and I don’t know what, but I am getting something pierced.

–NYU Dorm, East Village

Girl: I just want to throw a rock at it and watch all the windows shatter.

–Sculpture for Living, Astor Place

Better Luck Next Time

Desi kid #1: Shit I didn’t know Brooklyn was this advanced.
Desi kid #2: Isn’t that the Water Street dorm?
Desi kid #1: Oh yeah…
Desi kid #2: We didn’t quite make it off Manhattan, it seems.

–Water St

Overheard by: Innocenti

That Wasn’t You

NYU chick: Oh my god, I think it was the worst night of my life. When they found me, I was passed out on the toilet with my pant around my ankles. I’d thrown up into them.

–Attorney & Houston

Jack McFarland Redux

College queer #1, trying to squeeze into seat at crowded table: Oh god, I’m too fat!
College queer #1: No you’re not. Then I wouldn’t be your friend.

–All About Food, NYU

Overheard by: Pri

Were They Piercing?

Frat boy #1: Did you see that?!
Frat boy #2: What?
Frat boy #1: That guy just fucked you with his eyes.

–12th & University

Overheard by: Eyefucker’s straight friend

It’s Complicated

Girl: Did you just fart?
Guy: That’s an awkward question.
Girl: Is that a yes?

–Silver Center, NYU

This Bitch Is Gonna Occupy Rhineland

Crazy guy: Ain’t you people heard of the Treaty of Versailles? I gots mothafuckin’ rights, mothafuckas!
NYU tour guide: Washington Square Park is the vibrant center of campus…
Crazy guy: Rights! You can’t just be dropping mustard gas on me, like that mothafucka from Tennessee be doin’. The Treaty of Versailles says I got rights!
Tour mom: Oh my god! They have mustard gas here now? I told you this city wasn’t safe.
Crazy guy: This bitch understands that I got rights!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Laura Mathis

The Wednesday One-liners Party

Woman: I’m never going to be in the “in crowd” because the “in crowd” are all molecular biologists and have labs.

–F train

Overheard by: Eric Wrenn

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