Hipster guy: So, in two days it’s going to be Friday the 13th. Let’s go kill someone!
Hipster chick: What?!
Hipster guy: Seriously, let’s go kill a hobo or something. Nobody would care!
–NYU Silver Center
Hipster guy: So, in two days it’s going to be Friday the 13th. Let’s go kill someone!
Hipster chick: What?!
Hipster guy: Seriously, let’s go kill a hobo or something. Nobody would care!
–NYU Silver Center
Professor pointing at a slide of Andy Warhol’s Elvis and one of a giant mountain: Can anyone tell me what the similarities and differences of these two images are?
Student #1: The Warhol print is completely commercial, while the mountain is very natural.
Professor: Yes, that’s one way to see them. Anyone else?
Student #2: One’s a big rock, and one’s the king of rock.
Professor: I think we can all go home now.
–NYU
Overheard by: Addison
Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No… 40 grand, and I’ll suck your dick.
–Fashion District
Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can’t teach you anything if you don’t practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.
–78th St & 37th Ave
Overheard by: Jillian
Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya’ll!
–2 train
Overheard by: Macaire
Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That’s NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: Jay
Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, ‘Are you on Restless?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and then she dropped to her knees!
–2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: wishing i did soaps
Suit on cell: On one hand, you’re married, and I don’t need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.
–Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium
Overheard by: did he get a receipt?
Bimbette #1: My brain hurts. That Chemistry test made me think too much.
Bimbette #2: Well, yeah. I mean, you were using it, and it is the largest muscle in the human body.
Bimbette #1: Oh, right.
Bimbette #2: Wait… Or is it the heart?
Bimbette #1: No, I think your brain is definitely bigger. But who cares, I just want to pop some Advil.
–NYU
Overheard by: Amateur Brain Cardiologist
NYU guy #1: Do you think if the crane falls on us I can get an extension on my midterm?
NYU guy #2: Definitely, man.
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Blonde girl: He’s really good-looking, but he’s Jewish. You know, like a Jewish Jew.
Friend: Oh, yeah, totally. That sucks. That wouldn’t work for you at all. God, why are all the good-looking men around here Jewish Jews?
–NYU
Overheard by: Cpt. Kate
Chick #1: So, I overheard that weird girl in my anthropology class talking about how she bought a glass dildo the other day.
Chick #2: A glass one? I didn’t even know they made glass ones.
Chick #1: Yeah, I don’t know. But imagine if it cracked — how much that would hurt.
Chick #2: Did you ask her about it?
Chick #1: Fuck no. I figured I’d just Google it later.
–NYU
NYU student: What’s on that pizza?
Dining hall employee: Meat.
NYU student: What?
Dining hall employee: And tomato.
NYU student: Chicken?
Dining hall employee: No, tomato. Tomato!
NYU student: Yeah, but what’s the meat?
Dining hall employee: Meat.
NYU student: What kind of meat?
Dining hall employee: Meat. I don’t know. Meatloaf.
–NYU Dining Hall
Overheard by: sjhaughty
Professor: How many hours between eight o’clock and ten o’clock?
Student: Three!
Professor: No, between eight and ten.
Student: Eight, nine, ten. Three.
–Tisch Hall, NYU
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Guy #1: Shut up! Why are you so obsessed with sombreros? Every time I talk to you it’s sombreros, sombreros, sombreros!
Guy #2: Isn’t this, like, the first time we’ve ever talked?
Guy #1: Yeah, and it’s about sombreros, isn’t it?
–NYU
