Old man, with wife: How much is it to Elmont Cemetery?
Car service dispatcher: Will that be one way, or round-trip?
–E 19th St & Ave U, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Arthur
Old man, with wife: How much is it to Elmont Cemetery?
Car service dispatcher: Will that be one way, or round-trip?
–E 19th St & Ave U, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Arthur
Black guy with clipboard: Anyone? A minute of your time to save the children! Anyone! ‘Scuse me, pretty miss! Excuse me! [Pretty girl ignores him.] Oooh! I’m too flyyy fo’ da children. I’m too hot fo’ da children. [To old lady] Ma’am, do you wanna save the children?
Old lady: I hate children.
–69th & Columbus
Overheard by: Joey
Crusty old man: You aren’t wearing makeup, but you don’t need it. I know, I’m a photographer.
Young woman holding flowers: Thanks.
Crusty old man: I take a long walk once a week to stay in shape. What are the flowers for?
Young woman: My roommate’s birthday.
Crusty old man: My brother’s a pediatrician. His birthday is July fourteenth.
–N train
Old man to two-year old: Man, talking to you is like fucking talking to a brick wall.
–F train
Overheard by: trieze
Old man in power wheelchair: Move, motherfuckers, unless you want some rubber up yo’ ass.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Deniz G
Old guy: In the Boy Scouts they tell you to pray and… put your testicles on ice.
–W 58th & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Jon A.
Old lady: You turn around and say ‘Excuse me’ or I’ll punch your fucking face in!
–42nd St and 5th Ave
Old man: … And all these bikes keep running red lights. I just wish I had a big stick — I would shove it through their spokes!
–2nd Ave station
Old bitter woman to husband: I don’t understand sex.
–72nd & 2nd
Overheard by: imsorry
Old lady: Is your stomach still bothering you?
Waiter: No, but yesterday I wasn’t feeling well. It was probably something that I ate over the weekend.
Old lady: Speaking of yesterday, all I was doing was throwing up incessantly, and I just could not stop… And on top of that, I had diarrhea!
–Gracie’s Diner
Old lady with dog in stroller: I’ve met you before.
Old lady with three dogs on a leash: Oh, really? Where?
Old lady with dog in stroller: You were at the nail shop. You asked me about my unitard.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Older drunk, tightly hugging young guy: … And don’t think I’m gonna forget. When that happened, who gave me new underwears and washed my ass?
Younger guy, trying to get away: Man, just forget about that!
Older drunk: No! I’m not gonna forget about that!
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Old lady: Do you sell cigarettes?
Clerk, in disbelief: Lady, this is a health food store.
Old lady: Okayyy, but do you sell the healthy kind? You know, the organic kind?
–House of Health, 71st & Lex
Overheard by: Jillcorp
Older woman to cashier: Well, I had one of those, one of those… ummm… X-rays? MRIs?
Hipster in line: Mammogram?
Older woman: That’s it! I don’t have the cancer.
–99 Cent Store, near Devoe
Overheard by: I love MRI pics
Granny: I’m babysitting for my daughter’s kids next Thursday.
Friend: What? You just sat for them last Thursday!
Granny: No, no, — I couldn’t make it that time.
Friend: But still…
Granny: Well, she has a lot of doctors’ appointments lately. Anyway, I just take them out for lunch and give them French fries.
–Starbucks, 70th & Broadway
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
