Is It Hot in Here, or Is It You, Wednesday One-Liners?

Man to scantily clad girl passerby: Yo, can I get your number? Can I text message you? Can I e-mail you? Somethin’? [As she walks away] Can I be your socks?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Nicole

70-year-old man to 20-something jogger: Good morning. Would you like to wrestle in the grass over there?

–Riverside Park

Drunken Don Juan: Hey… Miss… Miss… Ah… Is your husband… Is your husband married?

–Prospect Pl & Classon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sweet tea

Drunk guy to girl: You have nice toes. I want to put them in my mouth.

–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave

Creepy guy to hot blonde, after trying to pick her up: I’m not trying to hit on you. I just want to be your friend on Facebook.

–78th & Columbus

Posted on February 27, 2008
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Creepsters, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Facebook, Guys, Old People, Parks, Pick-up Lines, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

It Had Boobs Painted on It

Woman: You don’t remember me, do you?
Older man: Your face looks familiar…
Woman: You saw me running down the street naked last weekend.
Older man: Why would I remember your face, then?

–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: Lauren

Posted on February 22, 2008
Astoria, Comebacks, Default, Men, Nudity, Old People, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Famous for Being Famous

Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.

–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd

Overheard by: Jack

Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!

–Borders

Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.

–42nd & Broadway

Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!

–Wall St & Broadway

11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!

–E train, 50th St

Posted on February 20, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Death, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Liars, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Old People, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Store, Students, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

Okay, Okay, It Was Wine Coolers

College girl to friend: Yeah, my roommate and I had a cute, girly apartment last year… with a fridge full of beer.
Old black guy nearby: Hahahaha.

–Target

Overheard by: alie

Posted on February 17, 2008
Black People, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Old People, Store, Strangers

You Know, I Wasn’t Going to Steal Your Purse, but Now…

Teen #1: Fuck, man. Fuck.. Fuck!
Old black lady: Respect yourself — you better respect yourself.
Teen #2: [Mumbles.]Old black lady: What did you say?! Oh, I thought so. This is why they created more prisons — just for you.

–Q train

Posted on February 4, 2008
Gripes, Old People, On the Subway, Teens, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Join the AARP

Old guy with gray hair: I used to be an old guy with gray hair!

–Mott & Canal St

Overheard by: Will

80-year-old man: What is rough sex? Do I put her against the wall? I don’t know.

–10th & 3rd

Overheard by: Liz

Old lady struggling to get layers of scarves and coats off: I’m not used to having to put clothes on.

–New York Historical Society

Old lady on cell: Old people like sex! I’m 85, and I still like me some sex!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: imerikaf

75-year-old lady to hobo on bench: Oh, wow, you look so cozy!

–Central Park

Old man with cane to 20-ish girl who just nabbed the cab he hailed: Happy holidays, you dumb bitch!

–62nd & 2nd

Old white guy: Fo’ shizzle!

–Outside Nederlander Theatre

Posted on January 30, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Clothing, Comebacks, Hair, Insults, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, Port Authority, Questions, Sex, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Really Fucking Sorry about Slavery, Okay?

20-ish white girl to friends: Guys, sometimes I just feel like the only white girl in the city…

–Fulton St

Overheard by: other white girls

Hobo peering in from sidewalk: Ain’t nothin’ but white people all up in this motherfucker! This shit is racist, yo!

–Garden of Eden, 107th & Broadway

Overheard by: Bubby

Black girl on cell: He fucked a white girl? He fucked a white girl?! How stupid is he? You know if you fuck a white girl you gotta get her consent and then sign a contract!

–PATH platform

Angry black traveler on cell: Do you know how long it takes me to get to JFK from my place?! I’m surrounded by crackers! I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Here. Crackers all starin’ at me… I dunno what they’re lookin’ at.

–JFK

Overheard by: Not A Cracker But Staring Anyway

Old white guy at Cirque du Soleil show, to daughter: Is this primarily a white thing? I guess that’s why I don’t like this show. I’ve got too much soul for this.

–Madison Square Garden

Drunk black lesbian: I am not racist in any way. I believe that it’s something that’s taught and passed down from your parents. I am not a racist… but what’s up with white people?!

–D train

Posted on January 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Drunks, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, JFK Airport, Lesbians, Madison Square Garden, Old People, On Cell, Race, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater & Dance, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

She Won That Parcheesi Game Fair and Square

Little boy: She’s just a freakin’ cheater. That’s all!
Old lady: Don’t call your mother that.

–79th & 2nd

Posted on January 24, 2008
Kids, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, Upper East Side

And He’s about to Mace You

Old lady, to two-year-old: … And what a sweet little girl you are! [Lady turns to child’s father] It’s nice to see that in this day of child molesters and perverts your daughter isn’t afraid of playing with complete strangers.
Old lady’s old hubby, whispering: Honey, that’s a little boy.

–La Bagel, 15th & 1st

Posted on January 4, 2008
Gender issues, Old People, Restaurants & Cafes

Your Ad Said You Were Docile and Stupid! I Demand a Refund!

Old man: I may be one of the richest men in the world, but everyone thinks I’m an idiot.
Arm candy: Oh, no! You’re not an idiot. You’re an idiot savant!

–Maloney & Porcelli, 50th St

Overheard by: Jon G.

Posted on December 27, 2007
Insults, Old People, Restaurants & Cafes, Retardation

Old People