Old lady to old guy: You’re sitting on my dress!
Old guy: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Old lady: Do you enjoy sitting on women?!
Old guy: Well, it depends on how old they are.
–M1 bus
Old lady to old guy: You’re sitting on my dress!
Old guy: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Old lady: Do you enjoy sitting on women?!
Old guy: Well, it depends on how old they are.
–M1 bus
Girl on cell: I feel so dirty…He rubbed oil all over my body. He’s short, but he has blue eyes…so hot…I’d let him crawl all over me!
–Hoboken PATH
Old blind woman singing for money in the train: I’ll rub hot oil all over your body … and God bless the child, that’s got his own, that’s got his own.
–F train downtown
Hobo lady: I been pussy fucked; I been ass fucked; I been titty fucked–and that was fun–but there ain’t no love like the love of Jesus.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Ben Beckley
Woman on cell: It’s just so different from the other South American countries, it’s just — it’s more European. I mean, Alex had blue eyes, you know? Blue eyes! There just weren’t any….what was that word you just said? Say that again?…Yes, there wasn’t any of that.
–M103 bus, Upper East Side
Overheard by: Noah Gallagher
Guy: [something in Spanish]… how do you say “altar boy”? You know, the ones whose little dicks the priest sucks?
–7th & Ave A
Overheard by: Jenny B
Teen girl #1: Here comes Peter Cottontail. . .
Teen girl #2: Hopping up the bunny trail!
Teen girl #1: What the hell? It’s down the bunny trail, you idiot!
Teen girl #2: How am I supposed to know? I was MJ’ed when I was younger.
Teen girl #1: MJ’ed?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, you know, Michael Jacksoned…
Teen girl #1: They molested you?!
Teen girl #2: Yes, they molested me and that’s why I don’t know the words to Peter Cottontail… whorebag.
–M96 bus
Overheard by: TrEeShA
Teacher lady: Kids, kids…Quiet! Remember, no one else on this train likes children!
–F train
Overheard by: Erin Schulte
Woman #1: So I fucked this guy last night.
Woman #2: Really? Cool.
Woman #1: Yeah, it was kinda hard trying to get the cum out of my work clothes…
Woman #2: Mm-hmm, I heard that vinegar and Tide can get that right out.
–B68 bus
Overheard by: Trevlond
Girl #1: Oh shit, a Jesus Bus!
Girl #2: They must be kidding…Oh my god, look at them, they really
aren’t kidding.
Girl #3: Christ in hell, I thought people just drove those things around to be funny.
–14th & 2nd
Tween girl: I lost my cell phone twice and then got a new one. And I lost my GameBoy. And got a new one.
Tween boy: Do you know how much that cost?
Tween girl: Yeah, well, I’m crazy rich.
Tween boy: How many jackets you got?
Tween girl: Fifteen.
–M104 bus
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
Teen boy #1: People tell me that I have an “I think I’m better than everyone” complex. But the thing is, that I don’t think I’m better than everyone, I know I am. I’m more intelligent, more thoughtful, more articulate…
Teen boy #2: Prettier…
Teen boy #1: Well, I don’t know about prettier, but I know I’m better than most people.
Teen boy #2: I know. The problem is when you say that, people think you’re an asshole. And it’s like, at work, I know I’m so much smarter than everyone there, but I can never do anything right. They never listen to me because I’m only 18 years old.
–M60 bus
Overheard by: Abby
