Boy: I’m a ninja… but not a tree ninja.
Friend: That’s good.
Boy: And I don’t rape people.
Friend: That’s also good.
Boy: Or trees…
–Bus
Boy: I’m a ninja… but not a tree ninja.
Friend: That’s good.
Boy: And I don’t rape people.
Friend: That’s also good.
Boy: Or trees…
–Bus
Woman #1: Are you Jewish?
Woman #2: Do I look Jewish? No, I’m not Jewish. I wear pants.
–B1 bus
Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.
–Midtown office
Girl to friend: I don't even know what Morocco's like.
Friend: Well, they filmed Sex and the City 2 there–that's what it's like!
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: AMC
Old white woman: Oh, it’s so windy today!
Black girl: Word. My weave’s about to blow off my head.
Old white woman: I hear that.
–M66 bus
Lady #1: Did you hear about those priests molesting those children?
Lady #2: That’s old news.
Lady #1: Nah, one was just convicted. But did you hear about the rabbis and circumcisions?
Lady #2: What? No. What happened?
Lady #1: Well, a rabbi got in trouble for circumcising some kids… with his mouth!
Lady #2: Ew, disgusting! He deserves to get in trouble.
–14A crosstown bus
Overheard by: gcat
Girl #1: So I guess oily skin isn't a bad thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: It makes you look young.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Have you ever seen a 75-year-old with a shiny face??
–M16 Bus
Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Poogins
Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?!
–10th Street & 3rd Ave
Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it!
–Times Square Office Building
Overheard by: SUSAN
Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges.
–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.
–On the Bus
Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van."
–15th between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Disunionsquare
Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]
–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square
Bus driver: That’s what crack will do to you.
Crazy lady: What? Crack? Did you say I’m on crack? Hell no. I have too much ass to be on crack. I have too much jewelry to be on crack. You see these? They’re real diamonds. You hear these? They’re keys jingling – keys to my house. Next time you see someone having a bad day, just say ‘I guess they’re having a bad day’ not ‘they’re on crack. Pray for me and I’ll pray for you!
–125th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: ColumbiaCat
Hispanic man #1, on bus: Yo, my hand smells like pussy.
Hispanic man #2: Yeah, now she gonna go home and kiss the other guy, and then he gonna, and you were just there.
(hysterical drunken laughter)
Hispanic man #3: I haven't gotten pussy in a while, though. Since last summer.
Hispanic man #1: Yeah, you know I just love getting my dick sucked.
–Q58 Bus
