On the Bus

Frat boy #1: If he kills me, I will kill him!
Frat boy #2: Oh, that makes a lot of sense.

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: ihatevegs

Suit on phone: I don't think she knows. (pause) But it's just a night job! (pause) No, there's no way I'm pregnant. (pause) Why not?! Because I'm a man, goddammit!

–Starbucks

Woman on cell: So remember that time I thought I had that miscarriage?

–Grand Concourse & Fordham Road

Overheard by: Erica S

Slightly overweight girl: Thank you for the offer, sweetie, but I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat!

–M100 Bus

Overheard by: Tinathetiny

Tall girl on cell: No way! I thought *you* were going to impregnate *me*. I wanna have *your* children.

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken Paprocki

Bus driver: Move to the back of the bus. They’re giving free diamonds in the back of the bus. See that lady in the back for your free diamond.

–M2 bus

Guy: I hate this city. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a production.

–W 44th, near filming of Spiderman 3

Overheard by: Alex

Woman, yelling into cell: Why you gotta be eatin’ all my food for? You a damn crackhead, you don’t need no damned food!
Woman sitting next to her, shaking his head: Yeah, food is whack.

–M60 Bus

Overheard by: RickyB

Little girl with brand new doll: Mommy, what should I name her? I think I'll name her “Pussy”!
Mother: Uh!
Little girl: Pussy! Like “pussycat”!
Mother: Okay… maybe we should think of a different name!
Hipster sitting next to them: I'm going to have to send a few texts about this.

–Bus

Overheard by: bradlea

Obese black man #1 playing loud obscene rap song: What she looking at? (points to two old Russian women at the front of bus) Man, these white people. Don't they know this is a free fuckin' country?
Obese black man #2: Yeah, I'm tellin you, now that Obama's elected, white people are gonna know what the fuck's up.

–Q63 Bus

Overheard by: filemeunder

Guy on cell: Yeah, I was there until 1:30. They loved me.
Woman: Well, we don’t! You talk too loud.

–M42 bus

Latina to male stranger: I’m bi, my homegirl bi, my sister bi. My other sister kissed a girl…
Girl nearby: My mom bi.
Guy: But I’m not. I’m gay.

–Bus

Overheard by: needs a car

Man: Yeah, my mother raised me right. I make sure I eat breakfast every day.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: I have sardines and grits every day.
Woman: Sardines?
Man: Hell, yes. Sometimes I give some of the gravy to the cats, and they go crazy for it. I mean, it don't matter if they just ate or nothing, they just love the gravy.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: Gravy. I usually give them a little of whatever I cook. You know, and then they either eat it or they don't. They like turn their heads away if they don't like it. But they sure like gravy. Gravy.

–B26 Bus, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Old fart #1, after another exits bus: Did you hear that old fart? ‘Damn cell phones! Oughta be illegal…’ I was talking low! Not bothering him!
Old fart #2: Mmm-hmmm.
Old fart #1: Hey, the 92nd Street Y — that’s where I saw my first naked woman!
Old fart #2: When was that?
Old fart #1: When I was 46! … Nah, when I was 16 — drawing class… They were nurses.

–Bus, 86th St

Overheard by: stephie