On the Bus

Guy on cell: My life is a falafel. No, no, wait, it’s a pita. My life is a pita.

–Broadway & Astor Place

Teen boy: When I get home, I’m gonna get me one of them nutrient shake shits.

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Jon Graboff

Woman: I didn’t like the emu there. I’m not going to like it here.

–Eight Mile Creek, Mulberry Street

Overheard by: james uphoff

Girl #1: She was so pretty.
Girl #2: Good pretty or bitchy pretty?

Girl #1: Can you, like, recognize a nosejob when you see one?
Girl #2: Why? Are you thinking of getting one? You don’t need it.
Girl #1: No, I just wanted to go hang out someplace where people have had a lot of plastic surgery.

–B61 bus

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, due to backups on the F, this train is going to make express stops only at Delancey Street all the way to Brooklyn. Passengers who would like to get off at 2nd Avenue and East Broadway please get off the train and take the next train right behind us.
Sephora shopping bags woman: Right behind us, my ass! We’re all gonna die!

–F train

Overheard by: Alex Wipf

Student: It’s not computers that’s fucking you up, it’s General Hospital.

–Pratt dorm, Willoughby Avenue

Overheard by: Eric Wrenn

Girl, 7: Sometimes, I wonder: who really did kill Kenny?

–M79 bus

Girl, 4: I have needs, too.
Boy, 4: Your needs? Who cares about your needs? What about my needs?

–M16 bus

Overheard by: Jenny Piston

Guy on cell: …no, not her. A new chick…Yeah, man, yeah. You know me; I’m anally ambitious. I’m gonna be in her like a gerbil.

–M72 bus

Overheard by: Alexandra

Man #1: So did you get the golden ticket?
Man #2: The what?
Man #1: The golden ticket to the chocolate factory, did you get it?
Man #2: What?
Man #1: Anal! Did you hit her up the butt?
Man #2: Oh! Ha ha…yeah, finally.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Marco Formosa

Gen X Girl on cell: …yeah, totally. It’s like, last night, I had sex with this guy and the condom broke. And like I’m ovulating. And I like totally can’t remember this guy’s name. Whatever.

–M31 bus

Son: I’m really glad you’re drinking again, you know…just not so much.

–Mon Petit Cafe, UES

Fat Chick: Thank God. Cheryl! It’s the Golden Arches!

–Bus Entering Port Authority

Boy, 7: Who’s that guy again?
Mom: Which one?
Boy, 7: Subway.
Mother: Bernard Goetz.

–B48 bus

13-year-old girl #1: Oh my god, you totally weren't paying attention to my shoes!
13-year-old girl #2: It's because my cousin is not in town!

–Bus, Coney Island

Overheard by: Brainy