Man: It was nice to meet you. Now will you shake my hand?
Little boy: No.
Man: Why not?
Little boy: Because she gave you her number, but she already has a boyfriend! I don’t like that.
Woman: Shut up. That’s not true.
Little boy: If it isn’t, then why did it say “Jason and Trish, together forever” on your phone, when I turned it on right now?
Woman: Together forever, my ass; now shut up!
–Q37 bus, Liberty Ave
Bus driver stops in the middle of the street, opens the door, and yells out: Hey! I called you last night, why you didn’t answer? Yeah, I’m working now…What you doing this weekend? Wanna go fishing? Let’s do barbeque. What? Yeah, yeah, man, let’s get some barbeque going. Okay, I have to work now. I’ll call you later tonight.
–Bell Boulevard, Queens
Unattractive girl #1: She was so ugly. I mean like Staten Island ugly.
Unattractive girl #2: I think those people are around to balance out the ridiculously attractive people in Manhattan.
–Uptown 1st Ave bus
Overheard by: amf
Black woman #1, looking at the Time Warner Center: I haven’t been in there yet. But you know it’s not for us.
Black woman #2: Why did they put a J Crew in there? J Crew ain’t never got nothing.
Black woman #1: I know. If anything, they should have put a Kohl’s. They got Kohl’s in there?
–Uptown M7 bus
Overheard by: Always listening to other people’s conversations
Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!
–1 train
Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!
–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!
–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn
Overheard by: elwood
Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.
–Queens Center Mall
Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.
–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square
Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Melissa
Black chick #1: C’mon.
Black chick #2: Alright, alright, what’s the rush?
Black chick #1: C’mon, I wanna see some white boys dancing.
–Outside Gazebo nightclub, 93rd St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Capn MidNite
Girl #1: How are you so fucking skinny!? All I see you do is eat, eat, and eat some fucking more! We just came from Dunkin fucking Donuts where you had a bagel and a fucking muffin! Now you’re eating fucking chocolate! How are you so fucking skinny!? You’re a fucking freak of nature!
Girl #2: Yo, shut the fuck up or I’ll vomit all over your fat ass!
–Q88 bus
Overheard by: Jackie
Man: You know, there was this electric wheelchair woman, she saw the bus coming and like, zipped right in front of us so we couldn’t get on.
Bus driver: Yeah man, they’re fast, those electric ones.
Man: Yeah.
Bus driver: And vicious.
–M15 bus downtown
Overheard by: running late for work
Old lady to old guy: You’re sitting on my dress!
Old guy: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Old lady: Do you enjoy sitting on women?!
Old guy: Well, it depends on how old they are.
–M1 bus
Girl on cell: I feel so dirty…He rubbed oil all over my body. He’s short, but he has blue eyes…so hot…I’d let him crawl all over me!
–Hoboken PATH
Old blind woman singing for money in the train: I’ll rub hot oil all over your body … and God bless the child, that’s got his own, that’s got his own.
–F train downtown
Hobo lady: I been pussy fucked; I been ass fucked; I been titty fucked–and that was fun–but there ain’t no love like the love of Jesus.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Ben Beckley
