Conductor #1: Hey, hey! We’re stopping here!
Conductor #2: No, we’re not.
Conductor #1: Yes, we are! Stop here, we’re stopping at this station!
Conductor #2: Too late. Next stop Hunters Point.
–7 train
Conductor #1: Hey, hey! We’re stopping here!
Conductor #2: No, we’re not.
Conductor #1: Yes, we are! Stop here, we’re stopping at this station!
Conductor #2: Too late. Next stop Hunters Point.
–7 train
Jamaican lady: You fucker! I sell drugs for the Police. They call them dealers because they make deals. I made a deal. Do you pay me? Am I your employee? Fuck you, brush your teeth!
–F train
Overheard by: z0mb13
Guy on cell: I’m off today. I ran over one of the kids with the bus.
–72nd & 1st
Overheard by: Todd Horan
Trader: I’m almost wishing to come back in my next life as the Jewish wife of a Jewish husband.
–Madison Avenue office
Man on cell: She’s got a summer job editing Harlequin romance novels. Yeah, which goes so well with…you know…her divinity degree.
–118th & Broadway
Security guard: One of my feet has five fingers less than the other one, but I don’t claim disability. I work three jobs: model, actor and security guard, I’m not stopping until I make fifty-two million.
–F train
Overheard by: Nico Westerdale
Store chick: I’m just sampling the food so I can explain to customers why it’s so expensive.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: jexe
Black chick reading newspaper: Niggaz always be tryin' to govern from the center, son.
Boyfriend: Yo babe, but you knew Barack was always about incremental policy amelioration.
–B Train
Overheard by: Mark
Barbie girl: Ugh! This train smells like ass!
Angry black man: Speak fo’ yo’self, bitch! My ass is squeaky clean!
–R train
Random hipster: If David Bowie had wheels, how much would you pay to ride on him?
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: haxromana
Scrawny hipster dude to another: All I'm saying is: I want to be in a position where I'm not liking it, and I know he's not liking it either.
–Troutman & Evergreen
Overheard by: Kristen
Hipster: I was much more desperate in Chicago.
–6 Train
Hipster kid: I'm just afraid that my sweatshirt isn't edgy enough.
–SoundFix Records, Brooklyn
Overheard by: chelce
Teenager: He's having a hard time dealing with being a hipster.
–Columbus Circle
Girl #1: So yeah, I’m the designated drunk.
Girl #2: How do you become the designated drunk?
Girl #1: I dunno, they just gave me the name.
–1 train
Woman #1 to a child swinging his legs and wriggling: Stop that fidgeting!
Woman #2: See that? You even be irritating white women!
–B train, 96th St
Overheard by: Also Irritated
Woman: One time this guy punched me…but it was alright, cause I was on coke.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Laura Grossman
Female hipster on cell: I'm coked up and all alone, Harvey, how do you expect me to feel?
–Humboldt & Ainslie, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Joseph Hernandez
Girl on cell: I haven't done coke in like a week. It's been a rough week.
–Upper East Side
Hot 20-something tourist girl to friend: Pfft, the Meatpacking District. That's false advertising…I got no meat packed in me last night. All I did was steal that bag of cocaine from those guys.
–Broadway & Wooster
Overheard by: ClassyGal
Female 20-something on phone: Yeah, he realized it was too late when he couldn't tell the difference between the piles of sugar, the piles of flour, and the piles of cocaine.
–Central Park
Girl: You know how your boyfriend sometimes falls asleep in my bed? You have to make him stop. Seriously.
Roommate: Why?
Girl: Because I'm going to flip shit on his ass, is why!
Roommate: Well, it's not like he…no, I'm not even going to finish that sentence.
Girl: Good.
–A Train
Overheard by: Mama Beeker
Tourist kid #1 (reading MTA sign): “Be prepared. Watch the safety video on www.mta.com.”
Tourist kid #2: Ooh! Let's watch that when we get home!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Where are you from that considers that exciting?
