Crackhead girl: I said excuse me, man! Get the fuck outta my way!
Guy: Geez…
Crackhead girl: And you better fix your zipper before I take your penis!
–4 train
Overheard by: iliveherebutstilllooklikeatourist
Crackhead girl: I said excuse me, man! Get the fuck outta my way!
Guy: Geez…
Crackhead girl: And you better fix your zipper before I take your penis!
–4 train
Overheard by: iliveherebutstilllooklikeatourist
Passenger #1: I’m gonna be riding in the Five Boro Bike Tour, but I haven’t begun training yet. If I don’t train, my legs will be fine but my ass will be sore. My ass isn’t ready for that long a ride.
Passenger #2: I think Jake* would love to help train your ass for the ride!
–4 train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Black kid #1, about “Benny and the Jets” on radio: Yo, Benny and the Jets, nigga!
Black kid #2, singing in tune: Benny and my balls!
–A train
Hobo: Hello, ladies and gentlemen — I am hungry. I do not do drugs or drink. I am just in need of some money for food, and–
Woman, sitting down: –Excuse me, your bag is leaking on us!
Hobo, removing burst 40: Oh, fuck!
–F train
Dude: Do any of these trains go under water?
Chick: Yeah, you can feel it getting colder. It’s so cool.
Dude: Which train is it?
Chick: It’s one of those trains that goes from Brooklyn to Manhattan. I think it was the B or the G…
–6 train, Brooklyn Bridge City Hall
Girl: So, what? You just, like, wait around to pick up Barnard girls?
Guy: Well… Yeah.
–1 train
Kid #1, listening to friend’s ringtones: What the fuck is this?
Kid #2: That’s John Mayer! Don’t you know who John Mayer is?
Kid #1: [Stares silently.]Kid #2: John Mayer! He’s huge! [Turns to address rest of train] Don’t you know who John Mayer is? John Mayer is the nigga!
–A train
Cop to loud ghetto kids strutting through train: Excuse me, but you can’t be walking through the trains like this.
Ghetto girl: Ex-cuuuse me?
Ghetto boy: Yo, don’t be sayin’ shit. Let’s be out — I don’t wanna go to jail today.
–Manhattan-bound 7 train
Bearded hipster: … And so I walked into this bar, and this chick just jumped on me and was like, ‘I love your beard!’ I was the only one with a beard, y’know?
Friend: Dude, you look like Santa Claus at, like, age seventeen.
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: prefers clean-chaven men
Blonde sex addict: I mean, I met him at my AA meeting. That’s truly what kept me going there.
Brunette sex addict: Hey, whatever keeps you in the program.
Blonde sex addict: Yeah, but after we made love the third time, I just knew he was a survivor of incest, and since I am a survivor I can just tell. I mean, he didn’t tell me or anything, but I knew.
Brunette sex addict: Oh… But was the sex good?
Blonde sex addict: Ohhh, yeah. I mean, it was hot — since we are both addicts. I mean, his cock was sooo–
Father with four young kids, interrupting: –Stop! Have you people no souls?!
Blonde sex addict: … So, yeah — I’ll be at the meeting Friday and Monday, too…
–1 train, after a Sexaholics Anonymous meeting
