Guy: I was bored the other day, so I sang the alphabet song while counting on my fingers to make sure there really are 26 letters… There are.
Girl: Dude, you know what you get for that? [Hugs guy.]
–E train
Overheard by: Peter G
Guy: I was bored the other day, so I sang the alphabet song while counting on my fingers to make sure there really are 26 letters… There are.
Girl: Dude, you know what you get for that? [Hugs guy.]
–E train
Overheard by: Peter G
Hobo falls asleep on hipster girl and breathes in her face — she gags.
Hipster friend: What’s wrong?
Hipster girl: I just saw hell, and it smells like Taco Bell.
–4 train
Overheard by: I could smell it too
Riders scurry away as crazy woman yells at them and pokes them with her cane for sitting on one of her seats. Young woman boards train and sits.
Crazy woman: Wooo! Go! Go! Go! Wooo!
Young woman: Hey, you have three seats, and I’m just sitting on the edge of this one so you can have half. I am not getting up.
Crazy woman: Wooo!
Young woman: See all those people standing? It’s not fair for you to have four seats. [Crazy woman pulls down pants and starts peeing. Young woman gets up] Okay, you win.
–Manhattan-bound D train, Brooklyn
Woman #1: He ate that shit like a crab. Like crab salad. Tossed it. All that.
Woman #2: Damn!
–F train, between East Broadway & Delancey
Guy: No shit. You’re a psychic? Uh… make a prediction or something.
Psychic: It’s going to rain tomorrow.
Guy: Wow. So you’re the real deal, huh? Weather straight from the source.
Psychic: Well, that, and I check weather dot com.
–R train
Manager to resigned employee: It’s okay. If I worked here I’d be looking for another job as well.
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Guy pleading into cell: Give me a break! So I have sex with one fuckin’ coworker…
–Lafayette & Spring
Overheard by: Jeff in Soho
Late-40s guy: When you get to be my age it’s hard to make the big money, to become rich. Sure, I could get a job, but that’s not me.
–Bus, Port Authority
Overheard by: How long is this bus ride?
Suit: I mean, if I’m gonna fuck a fatty it’s going to be one I don’t have to see at work on Monday.
–6 train, Astor Place
Bike messenger: I could die at any time. That’s why my job is so great. I clock in for doom.
–37th & Broadway
Guy #1: She’s so sensitive sometimes, I don’t know how to handle it.
Guy #2: Yeah… Do you ever hit her?
Guy #1: Wait… What? No!
Guy #2: You should.
–5 train
Chick #1: It’s so sad that California is going to become an island.
Chick #2: I don’t know how to swim.
–A train
Chubby girl: I don’t do well with fingers in my ass, but I’m pretty good with balls in my mouth. I’ll tell you a story, but if it gets too personal just tell me to stop.
Nerdy boy: Alright.
Chubby girl: I was at Jason’s house, and, mind you, we were in an awkward position — kind of half-sitting, half-laying down — but it’s always awkward when you’re half asleep, you know? Well, we started kissing, and then my negligee fell down. It literally fell down below my breasts. And Jason was like, ‘I don’t know if I’m comfortable with your toplessness…’
–6 train
Hipster #1: We’re all going to get tumors from cell phones. The speakers emit microwaves.
Hipster #2: That’s why I always switch which side I talk on. I want to spread it out.
–Coney Island-bound F train
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
