Dude #1: I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Dude #2: Ummm… Hmmm.
–F train
Dude #1: I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Dude #2: Ummm… Hmmm.
–F train
Lady hobo: Y’all got some money up in here?! [Long pause] I’ll take some food… A fruit, a coke, a twizlah, a bag of chips, a hair comb. I will eat anything you give me! I ain’t ashamed! [Longer pause] Shoot. Aight. I’ll sing. I’ll goddamn sing y’all a song. Any of you object to this? Anyone object to me singing a goddamn lovely song? ‘Cause I’ll do it. Sir, sir, you object? Miss? [Passengers begin to laugh.] Okay, this is the last call for anyone who objects. One, two, three… [Starts singing old southern tune].
High school thug: Yo, is this shit too late to object to? Shut the fuck up.
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: CrappedMyPantsOut
Chick: I’m interested in what’s now — that’s why I live in Williamsburg.
–Court & 3rd Pl
Overheard by: imitation rastaman
Hyper bus driver playing with overhead marquee while driving: I can set it to police bus, training bus… It’s like a microwave — what do you want? Corn? I like to change it to ‘Harlem.’ Then people get really confused. [Changes sign to ‘B6 Limited’ and comes up to bus stop. No one gets on bus.] What do you need, the B6? No? [Keeps driving.]
–B4 bus, Sheepshead Bay
Overheard by: tanechka
Smart guy: There is no West Side. There’s only Zabar’s.
–New York Palace Hotel
Overheard by: Emily
Hipster to another: You should totally move up to Harlem. It’s getting whiter.
–Union Square
Old lady to another: Yes, she’s still alive. She’s living all alone on the Upper East Side. Well, she doesn’t go out at all. You know she hates everyone, even Democrats.
–22nd & 1st
Frat boy with group of orange-tanned, fake-chested blondes: We gotta find me the Meatpacking District!
–N 4th St & Bedford Ave
Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn’t know…
–6 train
Overheard by: 21 and knows better
Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?
–Broadway & Bond
Overheard by: the bfd
Dude: What? You’re not from Illinois, you’re from Chicago!
–Cheesecake Factory
Female tourist: Where’s Chicago, again? Oh, that’s here in New York, right?
–Outside Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Genissimo
Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!
–Outside Javits Center
Overheard by: Tara
Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?
–Max Brenner, Union Square
Chick #1: Pretty much every girl will sleep with anybody if she’s got a few drinks in her. But there are only, like, one or two guys she’ll have sober sex with. Right this moment, the only person I’d want to have sober sex with is Jake.
Chick #2: Why?
Chick #1: Because I’m fucking in love with him.
–R train
Male conductor: The next stop will be Christopher Street, Sheridan Square.
Female conductor: The next stop will be Houston Street.
Male conductor: The next stop will be Christopher Street, Sheridan Square.
Female conductor: The next stop will be Houston Street.
Male conductor: The next stop will be Christopher Street, Sheridan Square.
Female conductor: The next stop will be Houston Street.
–1 train, 14th St station
Overheard by: Next stop was Houston
Middle-aged man #1: I don’t know what happened to her. Man, I’ve never seen such a downfall. One minute she’s smokin’ hot, and now she’s all tired and saggy.
Middle-aged man #2: But you’d still do her.
Middle-aged man #1: Fuck yeah. It’d be a great story.
–V train
Girl: This has got to be the hottest station in New York.
Guy: It’s good for you. It’s like a sauna — it will open your pores.
Girl: I don’t want my pores open down here!
–5 train, Fulton St station
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Water connoisseur: So, how did things go last night with… Ugh… What’s her name? Kate?
Friend: Seriously, dude, it was going so well, but then she did something really f-ing nasty.
Water connoisseur: Whaaa?
Friend: Dude, she put an unfiltered ice cube in my Brita water. She totally tainted the water. Dude, that’s just gross.
Water connoisseur: How do you know she didn’t filter the cubes?
Friend: Dude, you just can’t risk something like that…
–N train
Overheard by: Mikeyy
Teen: I’m gonna run for sturgeon general one day.
Father: A sturgeon is a fish. It’s Surgeon General, and you can’t run for it, the president appoints you.
Teen: Then I’ll make him appoint me.
Father: You also have to be a doctor, and in the military… And we know you’re not smart enough to be a doctor.
Teen: [Puzzled, offended.]Father: You could run for Secretary of Defense, though, and you don’t really have to be that smart to do that.
Teen, excitedly: Cool, I like guns!
–A train
Overheard by: Sean
