Hot lesbian #1: Come on, this girl is taking forever!
Hot lesbian #2: If I lift up my clit I can pee standing up…
Straight Asian dude trying to come in: Um…
Hot lesbian #3: Excuse me! Some people are trying to use the urinal! Could we have some privacy in here or what?
–Men’s room, lesbian bar
Overheard by: projectilepee
Chick: Yo, people pee in this place. I don’t know why.
Friend: What?
Chick: I got a bionic nose. I can smell pee from three days ago.
–ACE, 14th & 8th
Overheard by: blistexaddict
Passenger #1: Boy, this elevator is slow! It’s worse than in the projects!
Passenger #2: Yeah, but there’s less urine here.
Passenger #3: Less throw up, too.
–Elevator, office building, Midtown
Girl #1: Here, take it.
Girl #2: I really don’t think this is necessary…
Girl #1: But you missed your period. And you’re all pukey. Don’t you want to know?
Girl #2: But I don’t think I am.
Girl #1: Well, I can’t date him until we know he’s not your baby daddy!
Girl #2: Start dating him! It’s fine. I don’t think I am!
Girl #1: Will you just pee on the fucking stick?!
–Bathroom, bar, Williamsburg
Dude #1: What happened?
Dude #2: I wiped my face with it and didn’t smell like piss.
Dude #1: Oh. Okay then.
–Crowded Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: budgetmoon
Mom to 13-year-old boy: Honey, that was really scatological.
–Bleecker & 6th
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Woman: No, tiny Katie — the one with the enormous mammary protruberances.
–R train, Queens Plaza
Overheard by: I mean I wanna squeeze ’em!
Suit mom to teen daughter: We should go, but before we do, perhaps we should urinate.
–Barnes & Noble, Court St
Overheard by: Zenana
Dude: I have many ways to distance myself from other people. Primarily gastronomically.
–12th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: tbull
Man on cell: I am so not litigious. I am, like, violently not litigious.
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Nora
Girl: I mean, come on! We’re in college! Can’t the word ‘silly’ stay in the dorms? I mean, there’s a dictionary full of words that could be used to describe something so… erroneous.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Lady on cell: Trust me, this is the one time you can pee on a woman and not totally demean her.
–Grand Central
Well-dressed woman holding a McDonald’s cup that her son, pants still around his ankles, pissed into: Nice job, honey.
–14th & 6th
Girl in back row: I really like the new LIRR trains. I never pissed in the old ones, but I licked one once… Oh, and I pissed on the floor of a new one… Yeah, I did.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Wishing my Physics Final Started 5 min’s ago
Pissing hobo: This piss is for Mike Bloomberg. Ahhh, yeah.
–Barnes & Noble restroom, 82nd St
Subway announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware that there is no V train service on the weekends… That’s V as in ‘vomit.’
–57th St station
Overheard by: heroine in iniquity
Gotti-looking girl: Yeah, and I wasn’t having a good time so she was like, ‘Why didn’t you just get drunk and throw up on him?’ and I was like, ‘Because I’m not gonna stoop to his level. I’ll just have someone break his legs.’
–LIRR Hicksville
Overheard by: Sarah
Conductor: No fighting, no throwing up.
–LIRR train
Overheard by: Kristen
Drunk frat boy: Yo, man, what’s your poison tonight? What do you feel like tasting on the way up, bro? Do you want a puke jager? Do you want a puke jager?
–PATH to Christopher St
Metal guy to friend: I’m tellin’ you, if you gotta throw up you can’t beat pancakes and syrup.
–Burger King, 34th St
Overheard by: Glad I was done eating
Irish girl: It was a great night! No one peed in the shower, no one puked in their purse… None of that ever happened!
–168th & Ft Washington Ave
Riders scurry away as crazy woman yells at them and pokes them with her cane for sitting on one of her seats. Young woman boards train and sits.
Crazy woman: Wooo! Go! Go! Go! Wooo!
Young woman: Hey, you have three seats, and I’m just sitting on the edge of this one so you can have half. I am not getting up.
Crazy woman: Wooo!
Young woman: See all those people standing? It’s not fair for you to have four seats. [Crazy woman pulls down pants and starts peeing. Young woman gets up] Okay, you win.
–Manhattan-bound D train, Brooklyn
Chick: Are you hitting on me?
Guy: Do you have a boyfriend?
Chick: Do you know Eric Thompson*?
Guy: Nah, is he your boyfriend?
Chick: It’s complicated. Whatever, I’m gonna go pee [leaves].
Guy, reporting to group of friends: Yo, so I’m hitting on this girl, right? And then she stops me and is like, ‘Yo, are you hitting on me?’
Chick, opening bathroom door: Asshole, I hear you taking about me.
Guy: Shut up and go take a piss, bitch.
–Party, 116th & Broadway
