Queer on cell: So I saw this store that was going out of business…Yeah, so I got a faith and three hopes…Or was it two faiths and three hopes?…Ha, yeah, there wasn’t any love or anything. I bet I could sell a faith to Madonna for a hundred million dollars. Like, “Here you go, this is the most religious thing ever. More than you….bitch.”…Ha, ha, yeah. “It has holy waters from all over the world. The Pope came on it.”
–New School, West 13th Street
Overheard by: jimster
Guy #1: My iPod called me a homo this morning.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I had it on shuffle and it played a nonstop string of Rent, Oklahoma, Barbara Streisand, Donna Summer and, best of all, Annie: The Musical.
Guy #2: Wow, you said, “Best of all, Annie.” That’s amazingly gay.
–34th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: cityhick
Queer #1: I don’t think I’m as self-destructive as everybody actually thinks I am.
Queer #2: Perpetually relying on substances tells me you can’t handle things on your own.
Queer #1: I wouldn’t say I rely on them. They’re more like an accessory, like a handbag or a purse.
–82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: McCarton Ackerman
Guy #1: I was faithful and honest as I could be under the circumstances.
Guy #2: But you fucked him four times!
–Jamba Juice, 8th Avenue
Overheard by: BondgBoi
Queer #1: Oh, I don’t know which one to try.
Queer #2: Why don’t you scoop them all up and put them in your purse?
Queer #1: I didn’t bring my purse today, Rose.
–Jacob Javits Center
Overheard by: Dawn
Queer #1: Ick. He’s like, your cousin or something.
Queer #2: First cousin. Second cousin. Once removed.
Queer #1: But not a cousin cousin.
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #1: That’s still grody.
Queer #2: I love that skirt on her.
–33rd & 8th
Woman: Do your gay thing and get us up ahead of this line full of teenage girls!
Queer: All right! “Girl…I need to get me a t-shirt! Move this Long Island trash outta my way!”
Teen girl: Please! Whateva Jersey!
Woman: Oh my god! She knew you were from Jersey!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: J.Mo
Queer: What? Are you calling me a nerd? Do I look like I pay attention in class? I got a D+ so in your face, bitch! Oh, guess who I fucked last night?
Girl: Could you say that any louder? Who?
Queer: Myself.
–Hunter West Building, 68th & Lexington
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Queer #1: Oh, no, no, I don’t like that one, find a Puerto Rican one!
Queer #2: I think this is going to be my wallpaper.
Bartender guy: Are you guys downloading porn?
Queer #2: Oh my god, a new Cuckoo for Cocoa Cocks just came out!
–Red, Fulton Street
A woman at the next table is eating kielbasa with cole slaw.
Queer: Ew, that is so gross!
Woman: Do you want to know what’s gross? Sucking on someone’s cock that has just been in your ass.
–Veselka, 2nd Avenue
