Guy: I’m exhausted as fuck.
Chick: Good for you.
Guy: Shut up, you twunt.
Chick: Did you just try to combine ‘twat’ and ‘cunt’?
Guy: Some of my friends created it.
Chick: No wonder it’s retarded. It completely takes away from both insults, which are perfectly functional and to the point by themselves.
Guy: You’re such a little bitch.
–181st & Ft. Washington
Overheard by: LSB
Two-year-old boy, looking at dollar bill: Mama, is this Jesus on the money?
Mother: Well, sort of. He was like Jesus for America.
–Times Square
Overheard by: MeganMama
Hobo: Excuse me, is this the Six Train?
Young guy: Yes.
Hobo: Thank you [urinates on rail].
–6 train platform, Astor Pl
Man sitting outside building: Hey, Angelo! You know why I sit over here?
Bored doorman: Why?
Man: You can see those midgets straight through there gettin’ in and out of that box! They do things you wouldn’t believe! Outfits and everything!
–77th St, between Lex & 3rd Ave
Headline by: nick
Runners-Up:
· “Count Me In!” – Lalaith
· “And with a Little Peanut Butter, You Can Get Them to Lick You anywhere.” – Jeff P
· “Dude, That’s a Fucking Playground” – s h
· “Like Babies but Cuter!” – Tellulah
· “Otis Gets Cable” – D. Kareem
· “That Box? Lindsay Lohan.” – sweetchuck
Eight-year-old boy: So they were poisoned?
Mom: Yes.
Eight-year-old boy: Like the monkey?
Mom: No, like the boy with the Tic Tacs.
Eight-year-old-boy: Oh.
–55 Water St
Overheard by: Billy Splatts!
Middle-aged lady: Look at that girl! Drunk and it’s not even four PM!
Friend: She’s not drunk, it’s just her shoes!
Middle-aged lady: But… Who would wear high heels and be sober?
–1st & 1st
Overheard by: eliza… the one with the heels
Headline by: Lalaith
Runners-Up:
· “British Comedians in Drag?” – Barry P.
· “I’ll Take Old Trades for $100, Alex” – Martin de Bruin
· “She’s Also Not a She. Not Originally Anyway.” – eric bostrom
· “The Same People Who Wear Crocs While Not Stoned Out Of Their Minds” – Cecilia
· “With Ann Coulter, You Can Never Be Sure.” – Jon T
Girl holding tally sheet: Do you want to stick this in my thinger?
Male coworker: You’re lucky it’s me. In the real world–
Girl holding tally sheet: –In the real world people wouldn’t take it there.
–NYU SCPS
Overheard by: she’s lucky i’m gay
20-ish girl: Is this the line for the park?
–Line for Neue Gallery, 85th & Madison
Elderly Hindu getting off bus: Where is New York?
–Port Authority
High school girl looking at Lincoln Center: Oh my god, what’s that mall over there?!
–64th & Broadway
Overheard by: Peter
Pharmacy employee: Can I get to the UK by train or something?
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Rebecca Cukier
Bimbette: Madagascar was made up for the movie, right?
–The Met
Teen girl #1: What do you want to do now?
Teen girl #2: Get something to eat.
Teen girl #1: Ew!
–59th & Columbus
Thugette #1: What’s it gonna be, girl? The dick or the blood?
Thugette #2: The blood, girl. It’s always the blood!
–Queens Library, Jamaica
Overheard by: Whatthefuckaretheytalkingabout?
