Dude: No way!
Friend: Why? You never peed at a firehouse?
–W 19th & 7th
Dude: No way!
Friend: Why? You never peed at a firehouse?
–W 19th & 7th
Girl: So, do you know anything about the Holocaust?
Roommate: Like what?
Girl: I don’t know — like, fun facts or something?
–Dorm, Columbia
Dude: So, did you ever wear a condom in Haiti?
World traveler guy: No.
Dude: Were you scared?
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Not Going to Haiti
Coworker #1: Is it just me, or are the rats in New York getting smaller? Seriously!
Coworker #2: Maybe you’re just getting bigger.
–D train platform, Rockefeller Center
Guy to cooks: So, do you guys just sit around all night making up medieval names for each other?
–Pizza shop, 2nd Ave & St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: mangledorf
Nerd on cell: I waited five years to get a girlfriend, and I finally got one and I just couldn’t take it!
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 14th St
Overheard by: Jo
Chick on cell: Whoa, did I just refer to Voldemort in a romantic context? What is happening to me?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Dork: Wow, 200 points of magic! Well, that would truly be a day of sorcery.
–LIRR
NYU student: So, Yoda is more masculine than Sophocles?
–NYU
Overheard by: waphle
Guy: I’m exhausted as fuck.
Chick: Good for you.
Guy: Shut up, you twunt.
Chick: Did you just try to combine ‘twat’ and ‘cunt’?
Guy: Some of my friends created it.
Chick: No wonder it’s retarded. It completely takes away from both insults, which are perfectly functional and to the point by themselves.
Guy: You’re such a little bitch.
–181st & Ft. Washington
Overheard by: LSB
Two-year-old boy, looking at dollar bill: Mama, is this Jesus on the money?
Mother: Well, sort of. He was like Jesus for America.
–Times Square
Overheard by: MeganMama
Hobo: Excuse me, is this the Six Train?
Young guy: Yes.
Hobo: Thank you [urinates on rail].
–6 train platform, Astor Pl
Man sitting outside building: Hey, Angelo! You know why I sit over here?
Bored doorman: Why?
Man: You can see those midgets straight through there gettin’ in and out of that box! They do things you wouldn’t believe! Outfits and everything!
–77th St, between Lex & 3rd Ave
Headline by: nick
Runners-Up:
· “Count Me In!” – Lalaith
· “And with a Little Peanut Butter, You Can Get Them to Lick You anywhere.” – Jeff P
· “Dude, That’s a Fucking Playground” – s h
· “Like Babies but Cuter!” – Tellulah
· “Otis Gets Cable” – D. Kareem
· “That Box? Lindsay Lohan.” – sweetchuck
Eight-year-old boy: So they were poisoned?
Mom: Yes.
Eight-year-old boy: Like the monkey?
Mom: No, like the boy with the Tic Tacs.
Eight-year-old-boy: Oh.
–55 Water St
Overheard by: Billy Splatts!
