JAP #1: Yeah, I was only able to throw up breakfast and lunch today.
JAP#2: Damn! I hate when that happens.
–Bergdorf Goodman
JAP #1: Yeah, I was only able to throw up breakfast and lunch today.
JAP#2: Damn! I hate when that happens.
–Bergdorf Goodman
Overweight hobo: The only things I look forward to in life are mayonnaise and sex!
–57th & 7th
Woman on cell: When sex turns into math, you’ve got trouble on your hands.
–Union Square
Overheard by: McFreaky
Chick, screaming into cell: What a bitch! I swear, it’s getting harder and harder to fuck your co-worker and get away without people finding out!
–JFK
Overheard by: Pixie
Realist on cell: Well you can’t expect every guy you sleep with to call you back.
–53rd & 6th
Man to female date: So, basically, you sleep with people out of hilarity?
–St Mark’s & 2nd
Overheard by: Diane
Business woman: No, I told her I’d rather have sex with my husband than buy her products. And then she hung up on me.
–Chipotle, 22nd & 6th
Little boy: Mom! Look, candy! I want candy!
Mother: No, you can’t have candy. Besides, they only put that there to trick you into buying it when you don’t really want it. It’s called an impulse buy. Do you want to be tricked?
Little boy: Mooom! Why won’t you buy me caaandy?!
Mother: Because I don’t love you enough.
–Blockbuster, 8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Emily
Fashionista #1: We really spent a lot of money on ourselves today.
Fashionista #2: Yeah, we did some damage.
Fashionista #1: Next week we need to, like–
Fashionista #2: –Do charity work?
Fashionista #1, laughing: Seriously. Can we buy something cute for that?
–50th & 5th
Overheard by: Amused
Black woman #1, looking at the Time Warner Center: I haven’t been in there yet. But you know it’s not for us.
Black woman #2: Why did they put a J Crew in there? J Crew ain’t never got nothing.
Black woman #1: I know. If anything, they should have put a Kohl’s. They got Kohl’s in there?
–Uptown M7 bus
Overheard by: Always listening to other people’s conversations
Saleslady: Where are you from?
Tourist: Kansas City.
Saleslady: There’s a city in Kansas? Like with buildings?
Tourist: Yes.
Saleslady: Tall ones?
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Evie
Tween boy: Mom! Let’s go already!
Mom: If you’re so bored, go play in traffic.
–Victoria’s Secret, Lincoln Center
Toy soldier doorman: Sorry, sir, the store is closing and we’re not letting anyone else in.
Guy: But I have an enormous expense account!
–FAO Schwartz
Overheard by: Dugan Hayes
Middle-aged female shopper: Excuse me, can you tell me where the matzoh is?
Fairway employee: Matzoh? I don’t know. What is that, a drink?
–Fairway Market, Red Hook, Brooklyn
Asian valley chick: So, I bought this shirt? And it was like…it was like…it was like, a shirt? And it was really cool.
–N train
