Butcher: Would you like anything else today?
Lady: Not that I can think of. As a matter of fact I haven’t really been able to think of much all day. Must be all the vicodin….So how do I prepare this?
Butcher: It’s lunchmeat. You just eat it.
–Greenpoint market
Tourist chick: Yeah, I like New York, but I could never live here.
Salesguy: Yeah…
Tourist chick: But I mean I love the West Village.
Salesperson: Totally…
Tourist chick: It’s just like so expensive to live here.
Cashier guy: That’ll be $407 please.
–Jack Spade, Greene Street
Overheard by: Quirine
Guy on cell: Yeah, well, I wipe asses just like you do…only metaphorically.
–William Street & Maiden Lane
Overheard by: shawn mac
Rich lady: When I die, scatter my ashes over Bloomingdale’s.
–Neue Gallerie, 86th & 5th
Overheard by: Emily
Peddler: That piece down there was made from an Apple computer box. Forget the painting; I mean, just the box is gorgeous. I have a bit of a cardboard box fetish.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
Woman on cell: So he was like, “Why are we taking a cab? It’s only 4 or 5 blocks. I know you like exercise. You go to the gym every day.” And I was like, “I only exercise the way God intended…on a treadmill.” I mean, whatever! Right?
–54th & Park
Overheard by: kittikat
Midwestern mom: Oh my word, that mannequin has nipples!
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Girl: Whoa, that building is tall!
–Empire State Building
Southern lady on cell: New York City, New York…Yes, I’d like the listing for Starbucks…You mean there’s more than one?
–Times Square
Woman on cell: They have strange stores here. She made me come to this place called Archaeology.
–Anthropologie, 5th Avenue
Overheard by: rehey11
Tourist chick: OK, this is 14th Avenue, we are only three stops away, we should prepare to get out. OK, everybody stand up and get to the doors right now!
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
Dowager: I’ll take a Swiss cock, please. That looks good.
–Bakery, 58th & 7th
Man on cell: That stuff was too expensive. Why don’t I just buy one of those cheap necklaces on the street and you can put in a blue boz and say it was from Tiffany’s.
–57th & 5th
Overheard by: Angie
Preppy: Hey Dave, put another beer in this cooze!
–Blind Tiger Ale House, Hudson Street
Queer: I heard Matt Lauer is gay.
Fag hag: No, I think he’s married.
Queer: Well, you know Sam Champion is gay, right?
Fag hag: Yeah, he’s open about it.
Queer: He and his lover came to Bloomingdale’s to buy bedding. They used to buy a lot of bedding.
–F train
Yuppie chick #1: I had my taxes done on Saturday. I had to pay Federal and State taxes.
Yuppie chick #2: That sucks.
Yuppie chick #1: Yeah. The only thing I can do to stop paying is have a kid or buy something. Maybe I’ll do number 1.
Yuppie chick #2: No way! I’d much rather buy something!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: MattyWaters
Nutty Old Bat: 90 bucks for my pills? I don’t have that kind of money with me. You’re going to have to do better than that.
Pharmacist: I’m sorry ma’am, that’s the price and we need your prescription.
Nutty Old Bat: I don’t have my prescription. I’m coming from the emergency room! How much for a pill? I need it. I haven’t had a pill since this morning.
Pharamacist: I can’t get you one pill. I need your prescription. Just get one and come back tomorrow.
Nutty Old Bat: You’re going to have to do better than that.
Pharmacist: I’m sorry ma’am. I can’t help you.
Nutty Old Bat: You’re going to have to do better than that!
Pharmacist: Have a good day ma’am.
Nutty Old Bat: Unbelievable! She doesn’t want to do better than that!
–Bryant Park Duane Reade
Overheard by: Felson Sajonas
Truck driver: Hey you!…Honey…yeah, you…you’re number one…you’re the best of the day, you win!
–Long Island City
Woman: I don’t usually spend $40 on chapstick, but I really wanted it.
–1st & 52nd
Yuppie on cell cutting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cookies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yuppie, into cell: I hate the fucking East Side. Everyone thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t figure out this fucking line — all I want to do is buy some fucking cookies… New Jersey is my destiny.
–Bakery, 70th & Lex
